Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?
by Duckypantz
Summary: K THIS UPDATE IS AN AUTHOR'S NOTE NOT A TRUE UPDATE, BUT THAT'LL COME SOOOOON I PROMISE!Meredith, Izzie, and Cristina work so hard as surgical interns, and in the small amount of life they have outside of the hospital, they each just want an uncomplicated
1. Only the Good Die Young

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter One: Only the Good Die Young**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see)

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_Life is about making choices and following through with decisions, no matter how hard they seem to be. We chose to be surgical interns, to learn how to become the cream of the crop of doctors. No matter how many times I say it or think it, it'll always be true: why oh why did I chose this profession_? Meredith sat up in bed. It was 5:20 am and she needed to get her ass in gear to get to work on time. She looked around and realized that she was alone in her bed, "That's definitely something new," she said to herself as she whipped her hair into a messy bun. She had been trying to get the world record for one night stands but she was tired of all the physical satisfaction without the emotional benefits that come with having any real feelings for the guy she was, for lack of a better term, screwing. 

At the same time Izzie was waiting by the coffee maker, swooning with exhaustion. This was the first night she had actually been able to sleep in her own bed and not be on call since 72 long hours before. Her brain wasn't even functioning enough to think to herself, all she could hear in her mind was _coffee COFFEE_, and she needed her head to be her friend today while she faced the world at Seattle Grace. Addison, she was no longer Addison to Izzie anymore she was definitely Dr. Shepard, said in a cold, disrespectful voice, complete with eye rolls, would be there and Izzie would be working with her, joy. Alex would be there as well. Evil comes in the form of an A these days, at least for Izzie. Once the caffeine jolted Izzie out of her trance, she could form coherent thoughts and maybe even work onspeaking. _Why Olivia and not me? Why did he have to go and prove to me that he was never the nice and wonderful guy I thought he was, that was just a cover-up for all the evilness. Why couldn't I see through that? And most importantly, why can't my friends be more supportive? I mean Meredith did win some points back when we got the puppy. He is a very cute little pup…but still that doesn't make up for fraternizing with the enemy and patronizing me when I caught Alex in the act with Nurse Olivia! I hated Addison, Dr. Mrs. Shepard when she took Derek away from Meredith, well at first, then I sort of became her protégé, but I still hated her for Meredith's sake, and only was around her at first because I had to be! I am always around for them, but never are they there for me. I need support and more caffeine, damnit..._

While Izzie and Meredith were barely awake, Cristina was wide-awake and dressed at Burke's apartment. He had made her breakfast a few mornings ago, but she freaked out. She couldn't handle the speed with which the relationship was moving. i He wants to move in, he makes me breakfast, he gives me a FREAKING key, and this is all before I can catch my breath and enjoy what's going on…well I do definitely enjoy what's going on, but not the emotional stuff. _Ew. Like I know how to deal with emotions_.

And just after thinking she could not handle her emotions or his, she walks over to Burke, who was reading the paper and drinking his coffee, says, "Hey, I need to get to the hospital early to do my pre-rounds but I have time, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to get breakfast at a coffee shop." Silence answers her. She panics, "Not like it would be anything big or anything, just a bagel and some coffee."

Burke smiles behind his paper, gets up, walks over to her and kisses her. "I'll drive," he says as he grabs his coat and walks out the door. Cristina just stands, frozen in place before she shakes herself out of her revere and follows Burke out of the apartment.

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The interns meet up in the locker room, all rushing to get changed for rounds. Meredith sits down on the bench removing her shoes in a huff saying in he tired and scratchy voice, "All I really want in life is a comfortable pair of shoes. At first I wanted a good man and a comfortable pair of shoes, now I just want the shoes, they are more important in the long run. I mean who do you spend with for 18 hours a day? The shoes. Who takes care of your feet and your pedicure?Hopefully the shoes. Guys with foot fetishes are a little strange. Shoes are necessary and important to survival." 

"Why do you care so much about shoes?" Cristina retorted, voice flat, saying good god it's too early for this.

"The dog ate my favorite pair. They are in shoe heaven…I might have a funeral for them…But he's teething, it's ok, I don't fully blame him, I left them out.…but I loved those shoes."

"Alright Meredith, don't freak out, we can deal with this situation if we all remain calm," Cristina shoots back. _Sarcasm in the morning, it's so much better than coffee, not as good as sex, but makes my life happy._

"Thanks for the support. You are a true friend."

"People people, I don't care what you are talking about, shut UP shut UP. You are on my time right now and I am cranky. Normally I think I am in a good mood when I see you people but today, BAD mood. So watch out, do everything perfectly, and do not bother me with 'will I get a surgery' questions. Ok, Yang you are with me. Izzie, you know where to go, Dr. Shepard the female one is waiting for you upstairs. O'Malley you are also with Dr. Shepard with Izzie. Karev you are with Dr. Burke and that leaves Grey with the mister Dr. Shepard. Move it people."

For some reason Meredith did not dread working with Derek today. They had reached a neutral ground in the last few weeks that was comfortable, not all that nice for her since she still was not over him, but it made her feel better that he wasn't over her as well. They had gone back to the banter that attracted them to one another, even after they knew the relationship was wrong.

Izzie was glad to be with George because she at least had someone she could talk to. Dr. Shepard "taught her a lesson" that she will never forget. Never try to befriend your mentor. Addison took Izzie's trust and trampled it. Addison took Izzie beyond the point of exhaustion for nothing, on the one day that Izzie needed to go home and lick her wounds. Bad timing on Addison's part. George would definitely make her day better, he always did that in his awkward kind of way.

Cristina liked being with Dr. Bailey. The Nazi was 100 percent honest 150 percent of the time. She taught the interns lessons by throwing them into a situation that she knew they could handle. Cristina was also glad that she wasn't with Burke because she wanted to just reflect on the nice and not too demanding morning they had had. There was no giant leap forward in their relationship, no big revalations, or heart-to-heart talks about getting to know one another better. They just sat at a coffee shop and had a nice breakfast. Cristina just needed to enjoy Burke's company without fearing that something about her would disgust him and send him running away from her as fast as possible. If she _had_ to admit it, she would say that she _really_ liked the attention she got from Burke. Never before has anyone made her feel the way he does and that also FREAKS her out. Bailey didn't ask a lot of questions, especially personal ones. That's another reason why Cristina liked working with her. It was simple. Cristina knew what she was getting herself into. With Burke, she was blind and scared out of her mind.

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Author's Note: I had to get started somewhere, random yes, but that's just me. I'll definitely get into the leading ladies' gentlemen more in the next chapter. Please review and tell me what cha think! 


	2. Around the Bend

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Two: Around the Bend**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see)

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"Dr. Grey, it's nice to see that you decided to join us today. Maggie, this is Dr. Grey, she's going to be helping us out today ok?" Dr. Shepard asked the adorable little girl who sat on the examination table, trying to steal Derek's stethoscope from his pocket. Meredith had already read the patients file, but that didn't take into account seeing the little girl in person, and immediately forming an attachment to her. Maggie had an abnormal growth in her brain right by her spinal cord that wasn't malignant but slowly encroaching upon her abilities to walk and use her arms. Not only was this growth trying to take away this 2 year old's ability to move, it also was causing her an inordinate amount of pain.

"Hello there Maggie," Meredith smiled, tilting her head and crouching down to Maggie's level. Meredith helped Maggie get Dr. Shepard's stethoscope from his pocket. She put it on the child and showed her how to use it. That got a large squeal from Maggie when she heard Meredith's heartbeat. Meredith picked it up off of her chest and blew a soft raspberry into the stethoscope that wouldn't hurt Maggie's ears, but just be silly. Derek leaned against the doorframe, crossing his right leg over his left as he watched Meredith entertain their patient. _I_ _always knew she would be good with kids in a doctor-sense, but I never saw her as the mother type. Wow. She could easily be a mother without even turning a hair. How she can be so easily talented at a vast amount of things is beyond me. _He was watching them without any expression on his face when he heard Meredith say, "Dr. Shepard?" in an impatient voice. She obviously had been calling his name more than once and had that cute exasperated look on her face that he honestly loved putting there. It had been a while since he'd seen that face directed at him.

"I am right here. I was just making some mental notes that Maggie needs to be a doctor, or that we should get her some doctor gear. What is that you asked Dr. Grey?"

"I wanted to know if there were any adventures (code word for tests) I need to take Maggie on?"

"Well I think we both can take this little lady on a tour of the hospital, with some adventures along the way. We could stop at the space ship first and then see where we need to go from there." They smiled at one another.

"So are you still going to keep the trailer?" Meredith asked Derek as they wheeled Maggie down the hallway.

"I already told you yes, do you want it in writing, preferably blood?"

"Of course, that's the most binding kind of ink. I have another question: even when you decide what you are going to do with all your land, are you still going to keep the trailer?"

"The answer will still be the same. That trailer is not going anywhere…well it might move around, but will always stay on the property. It's my bachelor pad. My place of freedom."

"So does that mean no sharing it with girls?" _This is really nice. The reason I jeopardized my career to be with him was because of who he is, not because he was amazing in bed. But he was really good at that too. His personality made him so irresistible. Still does actually. And is also the reason why he decided to try to make it work with Addison. At least I chose a good guy to lose my heart too._ Meredith nodded to herself in agreement.

Derek was just looking at Meredith as she prepared Maggie for her space adventure into the MRI. Whenever he saw her, he always had such clear feelings about her, which confused him. He should be confused by the conflicting emotions that he should be feeling towards her. _Life is so much more complicated when things appear easy. Choose one, well did that, got the drama out of the way. Life should be easier since I made the decision, but it just seems harder. Now I am really getting to know Meredith and Addison. Addison has always been able to take care of herself. She doesn't have an ineffectual bone in her body. Meredith, for all her bluster, can eventually take care of herself, but seems like the type that doesn't want to be taken care of… but screams for protection. Maybe I just hear her need for protection because I want to protect her. _

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George ran to keep up with Izzie. She was definitely walking like a woman on a mission to do someone some damage. Probably not the _right_ attitude to have at a hospital, but she wasn't going to hurt a patient. Well wasn't going to directly hurt one, maybe by damaging the doctor who treats the patient she would be hurting the patient, but Izzie was tired of thinking. She wanted to get something off her chest.

Izzie approached Addison with her eyes all but shooting out venom and her mouth curled back in an almost snarl. It wasn't a pretty picture and Dr. Shepard was taken aback by such an aggressive Izzie. "Did you concoct this whole scenario to test me? Did you tell Alex to sleep with Nurse Olivia, or get Olivia to seduce him so I could walk in on them? Did you give him a few tips on cheating? Oh and don't forget spending my second night in a row staying awake on nerves because you didn't want me to kill a patient that had no chance of living through the night? Thanks for all of it. You really _made_ my day, well my 72 hour shift."

Addison took a step back when she heard Izzie talk about Alex. She hadn't known about that little twist. Addison wanted to crawl in a hole and just hide for a few days so that Izzie could calm down and things to get back to the way they were before the little "test." That way Addison and Izzie could be back on their way to being somewhat tentative friends. She needed some friends here, all she had was Derek and even that didn't feel to secure a hold at times. _Why did that moron chose the nurse over Izzie? And on the wrong day? Jesus Karev needs a swift kick up his butt, but I can't comfort Izzie and tell her or even be angry at him for her. Wait, did she just insult me? That is completely uncalled for, probably justified…damnit. Why does it have to be harder when you become the teacher? I thought all this doctor learning was over._ "I understand that you are made but you learned a good lesson and now I know I can depend on your doctoring skills no matter what, no matter how tired you are, I know you will give it your all. But you have no right at all to insult your superior, no matter how mad you are. That's just disrespectful. You would never ever say those words to the Chief would you?" Silence. "Yeah, I didn't think so." Izzie glared at her with contempt but smartly keeping her mouth shut.

Addison closed her eyes to reach into the supply of strength that she has had to dip into constantly since she got to Seattle. Dr. Shepard took a deep breath, opened her eyes, looked at George and said, "Come on O'Malley, I need your help with the quints, well the four quints. Izzie, you go see their mother. She needs someone and likes you." Addison wanted to share with Izzie how Richard did this to her during her residency and how she understands the anger and pain Izzie is going through but that would defeat the whole purpose of the test. Addison needed to get emotional distance from Izzie as much as Izzie needed to remove her emotions from her practicing medicine.

Poor George. He just stood there during the entire terse exchange like a mouse, shifting his eyes quickly to whichever one was talking, ready to dart off if necessary. How George survives with so much estrogen in his life is just a miracle. He looks over to Izzie and sees how underneath all the anger is a deep sadness. _She wanted to be Addison's friend as much as she wanted to save that quint. Her mentor let her down and she has to look for another doctor to idealize…or…grow-up and face the fact that people are very faulted, especially surgeons. I just want to protect her from reality. She has such an idealistic view of reality that hasn't been quashed, even in the tough life she's lived. _George smiled that small smile he had whenever thinking about or talking to Izzie. He didn't know that he had a specific smile for her, because he was too wrapped up in what he thought he felt for Meredith. George was definitely happy being the friend to Izzie, and nothing more, maybe.

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_Author's Note: Thanks to all who read and especially to all who reviewed it! that means so so so much to me and really gives me that extra push to update more often. Thanks again. Oh if you haven't noticed all the chapters will be song titles like the show does, and this song is by my favorite artist Tony Lucca, it's perfect for this chapter (I didn't realize how perfect until now, and I chose the chapter title before I wrote it…) it's all about being lonely. Check out Tony Lucca, he's amazing. Please Review!_

**Am I mOrE tHaN yOu BaRgAiNeD fOr YeT : ** _thanks for your opinion!_

**Lexi** _please tell me what you think of the Addison/Izzie thing…I didn't want to go all out fight, but the tensions will be there for a while, while both are wounded and want to be friends, definitely will be some Izzie sniping, and she's good at it. thanks for reviewing_

**Jersey: ** _thanks so much, I'll try writing as much as I can every night till Christmas…and once I get into it I can't stop till I finish the story_

**skylinechick07 :** _Derek and Meredith will be in every chapter and alternating between Izzie and Cristina. I do enjoy me some Shepard! Thanks for telling me what you think!_

**Chasity03 :** _don't hate me because I didn't have Cristina in this chapter, she'll definitely be the main focus in the next chapter…she and Bailey talk…and it's almost girly! Thanks for the review!_


	3. Catalyst

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Three: Catalyst**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see)

* * *

While Meredith was enjoying her morning and Izzie was fuming, Cristina was relieved. She was with Bailey, which equates to a drama-free zone. Cristina needed to not have any emotional attachments or really feelings for her mentor the way the other two had. _Honestly, I would much rather work with Bailey all day than Burke. Burke in surgery is amazing, absolutely amazing, but outside of the OR he freaks me out. I have no idea what he's going to do or say next. And he always does something to mess up my day by wanting to move in, bringing me coffee, or having sex with me. Those things really mess up my schedule. I could definitely plan in the sex if that were feasible, but the other stuff can just be cut out. _

Bailey and Cristina were working through patients independently and Cristina would consult with Dr. Bailey ever so often, but more often than not, they worked apart. Cristina liked the independence because then she really felt like a surgeon, not just an intern. But along with that feeling of power came the doubt. Cristina always projected this uber-confidence that all the interns envied. In reality, she had to prepare herself each time she entered a patient's room. She had to banish the demons from her shoulders that were telling her that she should go back to California and become a trophy wife like her mother. Why else did she spend most of her twenties in school getting masters and PhDs? Because she felt that she wasn't good enough, never good enough. If she just worked a whole lot harder than the rest of the interns, she would barely be up to their level of natural talent. But Cristina had a great poker face, no one knew that she was plagued with insecurities, until today.

One of her patients needed minor surgery, something that didn't even need anesthesia. Bailey thought that she was rewarding Yang for being a good intern by giving Cristina the surgery without someone hovering over her shoulder. Everyone thought Cristina lived for surgeries; honestly, she had a panic attack almost every time she went into the OR. She had to talk herself down from that proverbial ledge each time. It was getting easier because she could convince herself that since she was only inside the OR to watch and assist, not actually do any procedure, but Bailey just changed the playing field completely. But Cristina had to keep her game face on no matter what she was feeling inside.

"Seriously? I can do the surgery by myself? That's awesome. Right now?" Cristina almost jumped. She pulled off the excited look like a pro.

"If you are going to act like a puppy, I'll give it to someone else." _I love making them squirm it's the best part of having interns._

"No no no. I am totally calm. I can do this. Please don't give it to someone else." As nervous as she was getting, Cristina knew that she had to do this procedure to make her closer to being as good as the rest of the interns. Both walked away from one another, Bailey going to the restroom to relieve the pressure her son was exerting on her bladder. _Damn men, make my life much more difficult, but you my little man are my favorite. I think I can put up with you being all anxious to get out of there_, she thought as she rubbed her ever-growing belly. Cristina went into the intern locker room to give herself a pep talk before she had to do the procedure.

Cristina checked to make sure no one was in the locker room, but forgot to check the private changing rooms. She just assumed no one was in there because it was silent. She got herself right in front of one of the mirrors and looked at herself, taking in every detail. She wanted to criticize but knew that now wasn't the time to get her confidence down before performing surgery by herself. "Listen. You can do this. This is probably the easiest procedure a surgeon can do and still have it classified as surgery. This is totally something you can do. You have done it many many times on a cadaver, and have even assisted Bailey do it a couple of times. Actually you basically did one the last time with Bailey and she just observed. You do not need a safety net. This is the first step to proving yourself. You are a good surgeon. Bailey doesn't allow interns to fly solo if she doesn't think they are ready, you know that. You have her confidence in you so just do it and do it well. So get over yourself and all those stupid fears that are always in the back of your mind and do this surgery. I can do this surgery." She nodded to herself in the mirror. Luckily no one had walked in while she was talking to herself, then they surely would have sent her up to the psyche ward. With one more nod to herself in the mirror Cristina walked confidently out of the locker room.

As soon as he thought he was clear, Burke walked out of one of the private dressing rooms. He had a book in his hands and another little present he was going to put in front of Cristina's locker but she interrupted his santa-like venture. He quickly slipped into one of the changing rooms before Cristina could discover him in the locker room. It was much easier for him to hide than for him to explain why he was in there by himself when he had his own nice locker room. After witnessing Cristina's pep talk Burke had a much better idea of the woman he was dating and practically living with. _She's not the confident woman I assumed she was. She's human like the rest of us…granted I figured that out when I saw her apartment, but she's much more complicated then she seems. It makes sense now why she acts so nervous about our relationship, she's just not confident in herself at all. I should have guessed because of the harsh way she comes off. I guess I should alter my approach to her a bit and not force her to take big steps forward with us without more…I don't know praise? More something is what I need. Damn and I can't let her know I saw her do this. I have to get out of here before any interns walk in. _Preston left his present for Cristina in front of her locker and walked out of the locker room straight into Meredith.

"I am so sorry Dr. Burke," Meredith said quickly as she rushed past him. She had just gotten Maggie's labs and needed to get them to Derek as quickly as possible. The labs did not have any good news for Maggie. The growth appeared to be inoperable, but maybe something could be done. _As soon as I get these labs to Derek, I am going to research and find anything that can help Maggie. That little baby doesn't deserve this. She will survive this and live without pain if I have any say in it! If Derek has a supply of miracles, now would be a time to use one. _"Dr. Shepard, I have the labs for you, Maggie's. They aren't good, actually they appear to me to be really bad. Can you do anything?"

"It doesn't look like I can operate. Damn!" He hit his hand on the nurse's stand, causing people to stop and stare at him. "I am not giving up on her, even if it looks impossible…" He _looked _into Meredith', "I haven't given up on her, don't doubt that I will ever give up because I won't ever give up on her." _Why did I have to go and say that? That's not fair to Meredith at all…the double speak. I need to put more than just all my attention on Maggie, I need to get Meredith out of my head. Should I move her onto another case? That's not fair to Meredith, I can just limit my time with her and just focus on Maggie. _"Why don't you go and research any past case that could be beneficial for Maggie. I'll check on you later. Find me if you find anything that could help."

_Does he really have to do that? Those looks are what make me hate him and love him all over again. I should be happy that I am getting some attention but I want all or nothing from him. And he chose that I get nothing. These breadcrumb emotions he drops are what makes it difficult for us to work together. Why can't we just stick with the banter, I can heal with the banter…it's the soulful looks that tear at me and at the same time give me hope that it's me he's thinking about instead of Addison. Not like that's fair to her, I am not supposed to like her! Why is this so difficult? Wait, who cares? Right now I need to save this little girl. She is depending on me and Derek to come up with her miracle. _

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Author's Note: _I am not going to lie, the hardest part about writing this chapter was choosing a good song to be the title, the last two were just easy, I literally changed the title 5-6 times…and the first chapter wasn't the title of the song but a lyric…I also really want to thank everyone who has read and spent the time writing me to tell me what you think of my story…those extra minutes you spend writing a review really encourages me to update the third night in a row. Even though I have an exam next week I NEED to study for. This is the best way I know to spend my time waiting for the next episode! Please keep reviewing!_

**blond1w/smelborp**: _I am trying to get more Maggie and Meredith interactions. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. _

**specialfrog**: _thank you so much for the nice words. I am definitely getting into the Derek Meredith shipperness without losing Derek (with him cheating on Addison with Meredith, because my image of him wouldn't do that)…there will be more with Izzie and Addison as well_

**Bloomin Daisy** : _thanks for reviewing. There will be some interesting scenes with Izzie and Addison in upcoming chapters, they are going to have to work around and with one anther…awkward is all I have to say…snide comments too_

**Am I mOrE tHaN yOu BaRgAiNeD fOr YeT**: _I am glad you still like it. _

**tvchick87: **_I definitely took a chance with Cristina in this chapter. I would LOVE to hear what you think about it. Did I get her right in your mind?_ _I am thinking the next chapter will have some fun scene with shoes. And lots of Burke/Cristina_**kate**: _thanks I am definitely trying to update as much as possible before Christmas. I will have much more Derek and Meredith. _

**skylinechick07**: _it's definitely a Meredith Derek story. No question about it. But getting them together will be difficult because of Derek being all honorable and Addison not being so hateable. But it will happen_

**SweetScam**: _Addison and Izzie will be the main part of the next chapter, with Meredith and Derek in there too! Thanks for the review_

**Jersey**: _thanks for the reply. I will definitely keep updating as much as I can!_

**Lexi:** _I like writing little notes, especially if people take the time to review, they deserve some of the author's attention (to at least give a personal thanks…) there will definitely be more sniping and Addison will not be a whipping boy and take all of it, she might fire some back…I haven't decided if she should or not. Thanks for reviewing again!_


	4. More Than Fine

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Four: More Than Fine**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see)

* * *

_ Friendship is a very interesting relationship because as honest as you are with your friends, you can't be totally honest. You can't live their lives for them so you have to let them make bad decisions without interfering. How else would they learn otherwise? So you sit back and let them make their mistakes (and their triumphs because you can't always be right when it comes to your friends' lives) and just be there for them as a sounding board and a shoulder. Take pleasure in the little things that you can only get from your friends. Silly adventures or somehow making a horribly long day at work much more fun. _

"Ooh! That looks so good it feels right," Izzie gushed as she melted back into her chair.

"Give it to me. Right here, right now." Meredith sat forward in her seat, eager for what was coming next.

"Guys, I've never done this, but now I don't think I can live life without it. This is torturously amazing. I could die happy now."

"See Cristina, aren't you glad we brought you into our little club? I mean we can even do it right here, in the middle of the hospital."

"Never will I doubt you again, well at least for the next five minutes. OH OH OH! That one was AMAZING! I wonder if I could use them on Burke… Phew, I'm quite tired," Cristina wiped the invisible sweat off her brow. George had been in the room right behind them, not able to see them, but he could easily hear the girls. And was he confused. _What could they be doing in the hospital at the nurses' station that makes them do all those sexual noises? _

"Umm, what are you all doing?" George walked up behind them.

Meredith closed the browser on the website they were looking at, and all three turned around saying simultaneously, "Nothing George." Meredith continued, "What are you talking about? We are just having a chat."

"A chat? With all those…noises? No it must be something more than that. What website were you looking at?" He tried to grab for the mouse from Meredith but she was too quick for him.

"I was just checking my email George, chill. We weren't doing anything." George walked away very confused, a look he was mastering, and the three female interns giggled.

"Ok, the last time I walked by you ladies were ogling that same computer screen. Do you have work to do because I could give you some. I have plenty and I don't really want to do anything. I want to get online and drool over amazing shoes as well, but I can't because I can't see my feet so get out of my chair and get to work!" Bailey snuck up on the girls and caught them. They jumped out of the chairs and scattered.

Cristina stayed around because she was with Bailey for the second day in a row. "How do you…?"

"I am all-seeing and all-knowing about this hospital. Now I am craving some chocolate, get me a muffin, then you can get back to work." As Cristina left, Bailey pulled up the site the interns had just been looking at and her eyes glazed over with want. But until this baby was coming out, she had to stay in flats with heavy cushioning. But the shoes were so so pretty to look at.

Cristina came up behind Bailey silently, smiling that her boss was caught in the same trap that just caught her today: shoe shopping online. Well, shoe browsing online. "Meredith and Izzie just introduced me to this amazing world today. I think my estrogen levels went up just looking at the website."

"You, becoming a woman, NO, that's impossible." Bailey smiled at her snarky comment. This pregnancy thing allows her to get away with a lot of stuff. "Don't you have anywhere to be?"

"I am just waiting for labs to get back. I've already checked on all of yours and my patients this hour."

"Yeah whatever, I am in a giving mood. You can go and amuse yourself, but not by going into any surgeries…" Cristina tentatively took a seat next to Bailey, totally ready to get yelled at, but Bailey was silent. Then she suddenly, scaring Cristina, said, "What kind of shoes should I buy for after the baby? They have to be really good ones. I can handle pain."

Cristina did not know what to do with herself. Bailey was trying to be female and do the bonding thing. _It must be the hormones. She wouldn't normally be like this. But I like not getting yelled at so I won't mention it or anything. _"I think you should make a big statement by walking out of the hospital in some amazing heels. That would just be amazing." Bailey laughed and agreed.

They spent about ten minutes choosing the perfect shoes for Bailey post-baby. Then as soon as the mood hit her, it left and Bailey yelled at Cristina to get up and get to work, "We don't pay you to sit around. You get paid to do what I want you to. Go do some rectal examinations or something."

* * *

Izzie caught up with George on his way back to Addison Shepard. Neither wanted to work for her this week, Izzie because of the obvious, and George because it was just weird. George could see that neither wanted to be mad at the other, they were both more hurt than mad, but principal was on the line. Neither woman wanted to be seen by the other as weaker by giving in and ending the tension. George couldn't handle it anymore. But he had the entire week to live through before he changed to another surgeon. Those who hadn't found their specialty like Izzie (and Meredith, kind of) would work with each of the surgeons to see where they had the most talent and interest. George wanted to be Burke. He wanted Cardio Thoracic surgeries to be his specialty. He liked looking at babies but couldn't deal with not saving them. And the pregnant women scared him a bit. But he did like working with Izzie and helping her deal with the whole Alex situation by just being there for her to talk with. 

"So do you wanna skip?" George asked Izzie.

"Oh George, how I wish," Izzie laughed. It had been a few days since George had heard her laugh so he was glad that she was no longer perpetually angry anymore.

"You haven't laughed in a while. You need to do it more, it's healing." She gave him a look that screamed for George to back peddle. "Especially for the babies. They really like big belly laughs. I read it somewhere on the internet." He gave such a sheepish look that Izzie had to laugh again.

"You know what? You're right, it feels great to laugh, it's therapeutic. How about we do a study to see if babies react to us laughing, that would be…amusing."

"Oh bad joke." George smiled. They approached the neo-natal section of the hospital and George stopped Izzie, "Alright, it's time to get your game face on. Spit out your mouth guard and get into that ring, you are a winner," he patted Izzie on the back like a boxing coach.

Izzie turned around to look at him and give him a scared looking but was laughing too much to pull off the look and ran smack into Addison. "Sorry," they both said simultaneously. Addison smiled a little bit at Izzie and ruined the good mood George had tried to put Izzie in. She turned away from Addison, but looked back saying, "Oh is there anything you needed?"

Talk about condescending. Izzie is toeing the line, but Addison has decided to give her a week to cool down, especially with all the Alex drama. After a week, if Izzie isn't coldly disdainful instead of outright disrespectful, Addison will have to put Izzie in her place. "Well, since you are my intern, yes I do have stuff to do for you. Run these labs and then go sit with Dory, get her to interact with her four daughters. If she doesn't get out of this depression, we might have to put her on something, as much as I don't want to."

Izzie was all prepared to make a rude comment about drugging a woman so shortly after giving birth, had her eyes narrowed and everything, but the last comment made her bite her tongue. _Why is she being nice? She could just give me back all I am throwing at her but she's not taking the quints away from me or anything. This is just frustrating. _

"George I need to get into a delivery and I want you to assist me. You need to get some experience. I would have given you Dory and the quints but you don't have the bond that Izzie does with them, so you'll get to come with me. Ever assisted a birth besides the quints'?"

"No not yet. Should I read up on the case before we go into surgery or do research?"

"Here's the file, read up quickly and get scrubbed in; you have 20 minutes. Dr. Stevens, I trust you to take care of Dory and her girls. Page me if you need anything, I doubt you will, but if you have any doubt, page me." With that, she left to get ready for surgery.

"I get to give birth! I mean help with that whole thing. It's going to be exciting." His eyes got huge as he grabbed Izzie's arm. "What if I faint or do something equally stupid?"

"Don't worry George, you'll do fine. As much as I don't want to say this, I will to reassure you. Addison is a good teacher and won't let you help her unless she thinks you can handle it." Izzie said as if she were getting her teeth pulled.

George, seeing this as a perfect set-up, goes in for the kill, "Wow, since she's leaving you alone to handle the really high-profile case all by yourself, that must mean that she really trusts you. That's impressive. I guess you finally got one of the attendings to see how hard you work and reward you for it." _I_ _hope, I hope that knocked her out of her funk with Dr. Shepard. I don't know how long she can handle being mean and mad. That's just not her. _

"Yeah…" and Izzie quickly turns around briskly walks away. George just looked at her go, confused, as usual.

* * *

Meredith had been on call last night. Nothing exciting had come through the hospital doors so she had 12 hours to focus on Maggie's case. For a good 2 hours of that time, in groups of 10 minutes or so, she just stood outside Maggie's room and watched her tiny patient sleep. Meredith had never become so attached to a patient before. Maggie just caught Meredith's attention and would not let it go. _I__guess this is maybe 1/10 of the feelings that parents have for their children…God I would do about anything to save this child. She is so precious, small, and happy. Her happiness is infectious, especially for me…at a time when I didn't think I could be generally happy again. I have to save her. It's my personal goal. _

Meredith spent the next 14 hours researching, even after every other intern came in for the morning and did rounds. Meredith kept up with all of her other patients but was devoted to Maggie. She worked and worked, researching anything possibly related to Maggie's case and by 1pm the next day, she found a solution. It seemed perfect. Meredith had to find Derek as quickly as possible. Even though she was dead on her feet, Meredith took off in a dead run looking for Dr. Shepard.

"Dr. Shepard! Hold the elevator. I think I have got a solution for Maggie." Meredith proceeds to explain a very controversial form of treatment involving radical surgery. But at least she found a chance to save Maggie from a life of being a quadriplegic. During the explanation in the back of the elevator, everyone else had gotten off, while the chief of surgery and his intern were deep in discussion. Derek even ignored when his wife got on the elevator. She saw him but didn't want to interrupt the conversation. Addison had heard what Meredith was explaining and didn't feel the need to mark her territory when Meredith was only explaining research for a patient. Derek would have been mad if Addison tried to interrupt anyway.

The more Meredith talked, the happier Derek got. He had stayed up most of the night before trying to think of a way to help his young patient. She had gotten under his skin so quickly that he would do anything for her, Maggie. The irony of the parallel between Maggie's illness and Meredith's situation with him was not lost on Derek. He wanted to fix Maggie as much as fix Meredith. _I_ _would do anything to fix her. I'd give up a part of myself to make her whole again. I should have expected Meredith to save the day. She is very resourceful and can take the world on those tiny shoulders, easily. She would be the one to find a way to save Maggie._ Derek was filled with hope and excitement because Meredith found a solution to the problem that had been plaguing him that he wanted to share his excitement with her. He let out a whoop and thanked her profusely. She laughed at his antics.

"It's good to hear you laugh again. Especially at me. I always enjoyed that." The elevator doors opened but neither of them was paying attention, they were looking at one another. Meredith smiled at Derek and he almost had to step back because it hit him hard. Butterflies hit him in the gut at full force. He shook his head and reached over, cupping her cheek saying, "You are a very impressive person, Dr. Grey." His hand lingered a bit too long and Meredith leaned her face into his palm. He moved his hand down to his side, walked by Dr. Bailey then Addison, saying, "Meredith, please go tell Maggie's parents that you found a solution to saving their daughter, I'm going to schedule us an OR."

Derek swore he heard Miranda say under her breath, "You are playing with fire and are gonna get burned…" _She couldn't have seen…it was innocent. I was thanking an intern. I'm a touchy person. Did Addie hear what Miranda…Bailey said?_

* * *

**Author's Note**: _Thanks so so so so much reading AND for all the reviews. It means so much to me that you all take time and let me know what you think of my story. also the suggestions really help and I definitely use them if I can. Oh just ask anytime you want to know the song of the chapter title and I'll tell you. So thanks again for the reviews…and please keep them up. They seriously make my day!_

**Lexi: **_I really want to make them mean to one another but I can't because Addison definitely doesn't want to be mean to Izzie, but she wants the respect…we'll see how it goes next chapter. Exam (just one) isn't until Thursday, I have plenty of time! Thanks for the concern you are awesome._

**Greyaddict: **_thanks so much for reviewing it means a LOT to me_

**Mrspatrickdempsey: **_thanks so much. That makes my day more than you could ever know_

**Specialfrog: **_I have DM in this one!_ _And more…I can't be too obvious until I really get into the action and the next chapters there will be action…Addison and Derek have to talk…about what she saw_

**skylinechick07: **_Thank YOU for reviewing so constantly!_ _You are awesome. Honestly, if I don't do enough Cristina for you or you have an idea, let me know that would be great!_

**tvchick87: **_I think Burke will be less intense with Cristina…and we'll get to know him better, maybe have Cristina overhear a telephone conversation or something…cuz Burke doesn't really have any doctor friends to talk with…thanks for the review!_

**Mayor of Toasterland: **_thanks!_ _You rock!_

**Bloomin****Daisy:**_ hehehe__ I hope this was a good chapter for you. Thanks for the comments and reading._


	5. How Do You Free Your Soul?

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Five: How Do You Free Your Soul after You've Found a Friend? How Do You Teach Your Heart It's a Crime to fall in Love Again?**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see)

Author's Note: I really should be studying… I mean REALLY should be…but I decided to take an hour off to write this (I'm not going to lie, I took an hour nap so it's really a 2 hour break). Let's hope the chapter doesn't take longer than an hour to write. Oh and I LOVED the last episode. It rocked my world hardcore. And I will use the same type of premise (what happened at the bitter end of the episode) but not exactly. So it's not really spoiler-worthy since I had notes about it before I saw the episode. I am just kind of a psychic or something…enjoy some chapter 5! Oh ps. the chapter title is my own personal adaptation of a lyric of one of my favorite songs, _Insensitive_ by Jann Arden…I am normally not the type of author to put lyrics into a chapter but this song works so well for Derek's frame of mind in this chapter (except for the chorus) so look up the lyrics. I would put them in the story but it's a really girly song and he wouldn't listen to it…

* * *

Derek and Meredith successfully preformed the necessary surgery on Maggie. Derek actually let Meredith _do_ stuff in the surgery instead of just watch. _It was thrilling to touch another person's brain with her still alive! The brain is beautiful. I feel such a rush right now. It's better than anything, well almost anything, but it rocks. I am just going to go with this feeling and be in a good mood. I like good moods. They are fun. Maggie is going to be fine. We saved her. Not just Derek, but I helped in surgery too! Maggie has really gotten to me. She has put me in a perpetual good mood. She's helped me more than I could imagine helping her. _

"Thanks guys, the surgery went well thanks to you all," Derek said as watched Meredith stitch and wrap Maggie's head up. He walked into the scrub room to clean up. Meredith came in behind him with a big tired grin on her face.

"That was kind of amazing," she said as she turned on the warm water.

"Isn't that what you said to me the first surgery you got to do with me?"

"I think it might be."

"Does it still hold true? That people shouldn't do drugs because the rush of a successful surgery is so much better?"

"You remember that?"

"Yeah, I listen when you talk. I remember all of our conversations. What me to recap?"

Meredith laughed, "No that's quite alright. I believe you. Please please don't remind me of some of the things I've said to you. But to answer your initial question yes, a great surgery is amazing. Actually participating in the surgery makes the high so much higher than I could have ever imagined." They shared a smile of complete satisfaction, about saving their precious patient.

"Just wait. When you first fly solo, it's the greatest feeling in the world. It only gets better after that. There aren't many things that can compete with the feelings you get after you complete an amazing surgery." Derek looked away and turned back to Meredith with a smile growing across his face, "Actually, only one thing can come to mind."

Meredith gave him a 'red light' look, playfully warning him from continuing with his train of thought, but dying to know what he was going to say. "What exactly can compare?" _I like having a normal conversation with him, a little playful yes, but it's nice. It's silly. It gives me hope that I really shouldn't have but I can't turn and walk away again._

"As I said before, there's only one thing that can compare: love. The complete kind that sneaks up on you when you aren't expecting it, healing you and making you feel invincible, ready to take any kind chances to keep it."

"You are a waxing philosophic tonight. Maybe you should go home and get some sleep… especially since it was you that told me love isn't always enough. See I remember stuff too."

"Yes you do remember stuff. Maybe not the best thing that I've said to remember, but I can understand why you remembered it. Can I add on to that quote?" Meredith motioned him with a nod of her head to continue and he said, "While I still agree with myself that love isn't enough, without love, true and deep love, nothing is worth fighting for." He threw his paper towels out, smiled at Meredith and walked away. She left the scrub room and sat down on the closest chair. Her legs had just given out on her. _Just when I thought I could again try and get over him, he goes and says stuff that bring me back into his orbit. I shouldn't do this to myself. It's not fair to me or Addison either. I understand that he's confused and trying to do the right thing but is learning that maybe what he thought the right thing isn't necessary the real right thing to do. Honestly I never thought I would think this, but I am glad that I'm in my position instead of Addison's because she is the one who has to deal with Derek's insecurities about their relationship as well as his lingering anger towards her. She is the one who has to make up lost ground because while the marriage was in trouble, she was the one that took action and cheated on Derek. While I only got my heart devastatingly broken just once, she gets hers broken everyday, especially when he spends time with me, goes out of his way to get my attention to talk to me, or when he ignores her and instead talks to me. I am bringing down the good mood I was in. it's really too late for me to be thinking so heavily. Now I'll never get to sleep with all these thoughts rushing around in my head. _Meredith got up and walked into the interns' locker room.

* * *

Derek walked down to the ground floor of the hospital and sat in the waiting chairs, to stare out the giant windows that make up the front of the hospital. While he was sitting there to clear his head of the heavy stuff he and Meredith had been discussing, it hit him, _this is the exact seat I would always sit in when I waited for Meredith. It seemed like a light-year ago when we were so happy and carefree, when I actually looked _forward _to going home from the hospital. Why did I choose this chair, this place in the entire hospital to come and think? I am just so confused. There is so much going on in here, in my head, that I don't know what I want anymore. I just need…_

Addison had seen Meredith go into her locker room and assumed that the surgery was over and Derek would be ready to go home. She couldn't find him in their locker room or anywhere on the surgical floor. She walked along the random walkway between the surgical floor and the rest of the hospital, in the atrium of the entrance to the hospital, where she saw him sitting alone in the waiting area. She slowed down her pace, so she wouldn't seem to desperate to find him. She sauntered down the stairs, towards him thinking, _Why_ _are we still playing these games? It's been months since we've gotten back together and we are still playing these silly UGH! I am so frustrated. Why can't things go back to the way they were? We've worked through our problems. He just has this wall that he won't go through. I am here and he is there, physically and emotionally. How can I get to him? I love him so much but is love enough? Does he still love me? He has to…he chose me. I mean I didn't think there was any choice really. Meredith was a fun fling. She's a great girl and is going to make a great surgeon which makes me want to hate her, but I can't because she has such class and poise, and when Derek chose me it really destroyed her. She didn't deserve to be hurt like that but it happened and now I need to focus on getting my husband back. Get back the man I married. Is he still the man I married? So much has changed about him and I'm scared that I am not a part of this different Derek…where's _my _Derek? I want him back_. She walked up silently to her husband and sat in the chair next to him. "Hey."

Derek was staring out into one of the first clear nights he had seen in Seattle in a while. He hadn't heard Addison approach or talk to him. When she touched his shoulder, he started, and said, "Me…mmmmm…Hey." He closed his eyes and prayed that she heard that he was about to call her Meredith. He had just been thinking about Meredith so it was no surprise that her name was the first one on his lips.

"What is this Derek? What are we doing? Meredith? Is she still an issue? I don't mind that she's your intern frequently or that you two work very closely on patients, well I am not going to lie, that does bother me but I can deal with it because that's yours and her job. And I also don't mind being ignored in the elevator when it's just the three of us because you are talking about a procedure to save the life of a patient, but when you stroke her cheek and look at her the way you do, that's when I am bothered. I am not going to throw out the question of whether or not I should just go back to New York because I think that's unfair and we need to talk."

"God Addie, I am so tired of talking that I don't know what to do with myself. You show up here without any warning, yes I admit some of that is my fault because I did ignore your calls, but it was sudden. You want to get back together. I had moved on. Meredith wasn't the fling you assumed she was. Obviously you felt threatened by her when at therapy you told me that you wanted me never to talk to her again, so somewhere you knew that she meant more to me than that." He paused, not sure of how to explain something really painful to someone he cared about, so he decided to start at the beginning. "Remember when we met? We didn't like each other very much. It took us a long long time to even like each other, let alone love one another. It took us a lot of time to build our relationship. With Meredith it was completely different. I just want to explain to you what I am going through because it's not fair what you are asking me to do. I am not doing this to hurt you, but you need to know. She and I met and boom. It wasn't just the sex. Well at first it was. But then we spent time together and developed a relationship without that part of it. What I am trying to say is that we weren't together for a very long time at all, but somewhere along the way, I feel completely in love with her." Derek had been slowly leaning forward during his speech and after he was done, sat back in his chair, waiting for Addison's reply. Fearing her response.

With tears in her eyes she said, "Do you know that that's the most you have spoken to me the entire time I have been in Seattle, and it was all about Meredith? Why did you choose me if all you can think about is her? Why did you choose me if you love her?"

"It's not that simple. I was confused then and I am just as confused now. I wanted to give our marriage another chance so that we could fix it. We had 11 years, it was only fair that I not give up on that."

"Only fair Derek? Only FAIR? What about love and passion, not commitment and responsibility? Why are you doing this to me, to us?"

Derek fell silent. He closed his eyes and grabbed the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and said, "You know this isn't easy for me either. Right now I am really confused. I needed you to just listen to me and not attack me. I know that might not be fair of me to ask you but I asked anyway. I need some time to think."

"That's a good idea. Call Richard and tell him we're taking a few days off, maybe go on a long weekend somewhere other than Seattle or New York." Addison looked at him with hope.

"I think taking time off would be a good idea. But I need to do this alone Addison. I need time to think and sort through things by myself. I'm sorry." He got up and walked away. Addison just sat there, staring out into the black abyss that was a Tuesday morning at 3am.

* * *

Derek walked up to Richard's office and slipped a note underneath the door. He turned around and, walked to the resident's locker room. He changed, got all of his stuff and walked out of the locker room, towards the interns' locker room. He opened the door thinking about the last time he was in there, looking for Meredith because they were going to go out… Now he was looking for her again, but in a different capacity. He didn't find her, but luckily ran into Cristina who told him that she was checking on Maggie one more time before she left. He went in search of Meredith and found her standing outside their patient's room.

"You know she's going to be ok right?"

"I know, it's just when I was having such difficulty trying to research possible solutions for her, I just kept coming back here and watching her sleep. She is so peaceful and innocent. She's dealt with a lot in her short little life, but still is pure. Nothing will keep her down. I just wanted to, needed to tap into some of that magic to find her a miracle…"

"And maybe get some for yourself?"

"Possibly."

"Meredith?"

She turned to finally look at him, and they were inches apart. "Yes?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I am going to be gone for a few days."

"Are you and Addison going to take a mini vacation?"

"No, it's just me."

"No one in your family is hurt or anything are they? Your sisters and their families are fine?"

"Sorry, no it's nothing like that. I just need to get away from here, clear my head, and think. There is just too much going on in my head. I am confused and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Derek, I'm sorry. Take time, get sorted. You'll be missed."

"Thanks Mere. I guess I'll see you when I get back?"

"I'll be here."

She walked away from him and swore that she heard him whisper, "I think I made a mistake."

* * *

Author's Note: _Did I mention I should be studying? This chapter took a LOT out of me. So yeah no studying tonight. The exam is on Thursday. SHOOT! But on my train ride from Edinburgh to London where I catch my flight home to the states, I should be able to crank out some quality chapters. The next two, since this one didn't have any Izzie or Cristina stories, will be about Cristina then Izzie. Burke and Bailey in Cristina's…Upset Addison and an adorable George will be in Izzie's. Meredith will be pretty much out of it in their chapters because she has a lot to think about…thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It makes it totally worth it to not study so much because you all enjoy my story! THANKS! YOU ROCK_

**skylinechick07**_: thanks so much for being amazing and reviewing for every chapter. You are so great. _

**Lexi**: _you seriously rock my world. Ahh all these reviews that are thoughtful from you are great. Seriously. I write when I should study because your reviews are great. _

**Bloomin****Daisy**: _I_ _am glad you liked that one. George is probably one of my favorite characters. I really hope you like this chapter too because I didn't want Addie to be all bitch-like on Derek but still be firm with him. Thanks for reviewing!_

**Mayor of Toasterland:** _I totally like the new name it's fun. Your power compelled me to put down the books and write. You are strong like bull!_

**Jersey**: _thank you so much. Oh you are great. I hope this chapter was good for you…all d/m all the time…thanks for reviewing_

**Greyaddict: **_I_ _think they should be together too! Thus this chapter was born. I am getting there, slowly but surely. I hope you like this chapter a lot as well. Thanks for reading and reviewing!_

**Tvchick87:**_aww__thanks. You are great to review. Honestly, you take time to review, I will always have time to reply to it and work what you want into the story. it's so nice to have people like and tell me that they like the story. Cristina and Burke are DEFINIITELY starring in the next chapter. _

**Specialfrog:**_shoes are like a religion to me. I have more pairs than any one person should have and I hardly wear the pretty ones because they hurt, but it never hurts to look at them! Religion and sex…shoes are definitely bothJ. Thanks for the SUCH nice words. You give me confidence in my writing that I definitely didn't have. So yeah BIG BIG thanks, especially since you review so regularly, it's awesome thank you. _

**Mrspatrickdempsey: ** _thanks for the review. This was as asap as I could get the chapter out with exams…can't we just get rid of exams all together? It's almost Christmas! Thanks again for reading and reviewing_


	6. Can’t Stop This Thing We’ve Started

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Six: Can't Stop This Thing We've Started**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see) …but since there aren't any new episodes that I have seen (damn going to the internet café to download stuff) it's safe to say that I am not going to use newer stuff, unless it's really good Meredith/Derek or Burke/Cristina.

Author's Note: Sorry it's been **_so_** long since I last updated. I just got to Spain for the semester and there is no internet anywhere near the casa I am staying at so I can only hit up the internet café once or so a week. Lord is it good to speak/think/write in English again! I'll try to update weekly from now on…don't hate me if I don't.

* * *

Preston Burke has had days to think about what he had accidentally seen in the interns' locker room. He still didn't know what to do about it, about her. He was so afraid to lose her that he wanted to push her into a relationship that maybe she wasn't ready for. It was really strange, his attraction to her. It completely defied logic and his past taste in women. Cristina was nothing like anything he could have possibly imagined. She snuck up on him, caught him off guard and undid any walls he had put up to separate himself from past significant others; and she did all this without even trying. He knew that he pushed her too hard to feel the way he felt about her, because he was so insecure about how strongly he felt for her that he almost made it into a competition. He knew no other way to react when he was bombarded in such a way. Yet again, Cristina had no idea she was doing anything at all to him, well in the emotional sense. 

Burke sat up in bed and watched Cristina sleep. This was the only time of day when she wasn't going 2000 miles an hour. He could feel a bit more control of himself and his emotions when she was asleep, but then he would look over at her and see how vulnerable and protect-able she looked while she slept that he fell in love with her all over again. _Maybe I don't need to try to keep up with her, forcing our relationship into overdrive just because I want some control over something. I am just so, lost. I pour so much of myself into her and our relationship that I get very upset when she doesn't do the same. It's not fair for me to force her into something she's not ready for but at the same time, what about me? Where can I reach a balance between what I want and what she needs in order for this to work?_

Another favorite time of Burke's was right when Cristina woke up because she was warm, a bit cuddly, and didn't have all her defenses in place yet. She was the woman he saw glimpses of during the day but really got to interact with right as she woke up. "Mmmm, morning. You don't usually stay in bed this late, this is a nice surprise," Cristina said as she stretched languidly against him.

"Actually, it's earlier than you think. I was just about to get up and make breakfast but you looked so peaceful that I just had to sit and admire you for a little bit." Cristina full out blushed. One wouldn't think that she could with her coloring, but with the right motivator, she blushed quite red.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think that you were saying that to try to get a nice girl like me into bed."

"Now I am a southern gentleman, I would definitely succeed, not merely try, when I talked a woman into bed. But, if you think back to last night, it was you who took advantage of me." He smiled down at her cuddled up against him. _Now the she would be fully waking up and being all brusque-like normal Cristina. _"Would you like to help me get breakfast ready?"

Cristina sat up and stretched again, letting the sheet fall down to her hips, giving Burke quite a nice eyeful. As Cristina had said before, she could do hot in her sleep; Burke would readily agree with that statement. She took her time to answer, wanting to test the waters of how far their soft morning banter could take them. "Since I have a few extra minutes, I guess I could. Is breakfast clothing optional or would that be appalling to such a southern gentleman such as yourself?"

"I'll do it if you will." Oh how those two loved to compete with one another. They made breakfast together in a flirty, passionate way that they had never been before. Burke took baby steps, trying not to appear expectant to Cristina. Whenever he had put pressure on her in the past, she had responded by retreating back into her protective shell of sarcasm, acting nervous around him, when all he wanted was for her to feel comfortable with him. They just needed to stop crossing signals and instead just go for it. But something was different in the air that morning, both were trying to be open and just have fun, not worrying about work or the future.

* * *

Izzie Stevens was tired but surprisingly, not mad. She had been on-call yet another night, watching the remaining four quintuplets. She couldn't call them quadruplets because she wanted to remember the one that they lost. The one that she lost, on her watch. Even though the baby was going to die anyway, Izzie still felt incredibly responsible for the death. But she hid that feeling of guilt by showing that she was still very angry that Addison had "taught her a lesson" using the dying preemie. 

Another burr under her saddle was Alex. She still had feelings for him, no matter how hard she tried to hate him. He had gotten under her skin and become so important to her in such a short time that the betrayal seemed unreal. She didn't know what to do with herself. _At least I am just as miserable in my job as I am in my personal life. Everything just sucks._ But she was still in a relatively good mood for no reason at all. Nothing had changed. Dory was still majorly depressed and would not spend any more time with her daughters than absolutely necessary. The girls had kept Izzie up all night worrying because she was afraid something like what had happened the last time she was on-call with them would happen again.

Actually, Izzie had kept Izzie up all night worrying, not the babies. _Give me a basically empty hospital in the middle of the night when I could actually get sleep…yet all I do is muddle over everything. I think about Alex. I think about how frustrated and hurt I am by Addison. And strangely enough, there were a few thoughts creeping in about George. He had been going out of his way to make me not mad at the world. I know he's a great roommate and just always in a good mood, well and even if he's not in a good mood, it's funny, but recently he's just been so much more, attentive? I don't know. I guess because he and I have been spending even more time together since we've both been assigned to Addison and the neo-natal ward, I've gotten to know him better as a doctor and friend instead of a "very masculine-ly male" roommate. I think I just need to get laid. Honestly, I wouldn't be this emotional if I just got some, outside of this hospital too._ So Izzie decided that she was going to Joe's tonight to get some. Luckily she was off today, so she could rest up and really put some effort into moving on.

She said to herself with a smile, "Tonight's my night."

* * *

George was confused. Granted, George was often confused. After seeing Meredith still be all dreamy-eyed over Dr. Shepard yesterday, George surprisingly didn't feel the sense of pain and hurt that seeing the woman he was in love with mooning over another man usually caused. No yesterday, he just felt sad for Meredith because she couldn't or maybe wouldn't get over McDreamy. George didn't know what to make of his newfound change in attitude at all. _Did I stop being in love with Mere? And if I did, when did that happen? I know I still definitely love her, but am I in love with her? I don't think so but I am not sure about that. When did I stop thinking about her constantly? I know I have been focusing a lot on Izzie but that's just because life has sucked for her as of late, and I want her to be in a better mood. She's not fun Izzie when she is bitter and mad at the world. But Izzie's just a friend, well a best friend, but nothing but plutonic feelings for her. No there are no other feelings about her at all._

Meredith walked up behind George who was standing in the middle of the hallway at Seattle Grace with his patient's chart open, but he was staring off into space. "George? Are you there?" When he didn't answer her she got a little worried. _Maybe all these hours they make us work has finally got to George, he was the last one to crack, so I guess he finally has. _"O'Malley! Attention!" Meredith yelled.

George snapped out of thinking about how he felt nothing for Izzie when he heard someone yell his name. he dropped the chart he was precariously holding and jumped to find the source of the yell. It turned out to be Meredith. "You sounded scarily like a man Mere. Maybe you should get that checked out." She tried to appear mad so she rolled her eyes, but the effect was lost when she broke out laughing at the silly face George was giving her.

"Well you were in another world, I had already called your name once when I was right behind you and you didn't hear me, so I thought desperate times…"

"And you thought you would share your talent to sound so manly with me to get my attention," George finished.

"Exact…wait, no! Georrrge." She gave him a mad face but then really wanted to find out what he had been thinking about so she asked in a silky voice, "So what put you in such a daze? Bad patient?"

"No nothing like that."

_Ok so he wasn't giving. I'll just have to try harder. _"Are you going to get in on a big surgery?"

"No. I got to assist in a delivery last night and that was big to me." George started to think about last night when he tried so hard to get Izzie to stop being mad at Addison, which actually helped him get through the birth. He had something else to think about instead of what was actually happening that he didn't faint or anything.

George had always given her his full attention before, so he must be thinking about some girl. "So who have you been thinking about?"

"Izzie," George said, not really paying attention. When Meredith asked the follow-up question 'really' did George perk up. "What I meant was that she's been having such a hard time with everything and I feel bad. I want her to go back to the same happy Izzie so I have been trying to get her in a better mood.

"Mmmhhhmmm," was all Meredith had to reply. _So there might be some roommate action going on relatively soon. Well, with George, who knows if I should say soon or if I should say ever. _

"How are you doing?"

"Good, a little punchy, but good. Too bad I have the rest of the day to think about how much I just want to go home and take a bath."

"Know what you mean, except for the whole bath thing. Men don't bathe, we shower." With that macho comment George walked off to his patient's room, leaving Meredith standing there unsure of what to make of their conversation.

* * *

_Today is a good day. When have I ever thought that before? _Cristina thought to herself with a smile on her face. _This morning went well. Burke isn't acting all 'let's jump onto the next step of this relationship' and allowing us both to enjoy now and let me get comfortable with us at this level. It's a nice change that I am not worrying about what he's going to do or say next that will throw me into a stress-induced-haze. This morning was amazing. I want everyday to be like that, well at least every morning. Starting out in such a good mood is so atypical for me that I think I should try it more often to throw people off. The look on Meredith's face when I had a smile on mine! LORD! I don't think she has ever seen me smile before. She's been trying so hard to get to talk to me but we've both been so busy that she can't get a single free moment and it's killing her. I enjoy not being predictable. I also like it when Burke isn't either. I mean I knew when I suggested naked breakfast he would shut down or something, but he was just as playful. AH! Who would have ever thought that I would have fun cooking breakfast at a god awful time of the morning NAKED with my boyfriend? Certainly not me._ She almost giggled at the thought which is crazy because Cristina never giggled, just for good measure, she scowled, just to prove that she was still herself and not some crazy in love person. 

At the exact same time, Derek was thinking about how his day was starting out pretty well. _When was the last time I actually looked forward to the start of a day?_ Unfortunately his thoughts turned painful, creating a cloud over his sunny morning. _Maybe I shouldn't voice the answer because I know what it'll be and that's not necessarily good news, at least for my marriage. Then again here I am running away from everything, Meredith and Addison, to think so I guess I should be honest at least to myself. I still love Meredith. There is no question about that. But, do I still love Addison? If I do, why am I putting her through all this pain of ignoring her at work and seeking Meredith out? If I don't love Addison, then why am I in this marriage? Why do I want to make it work?_ He needed to get away for a few days, with no interruptions from anyone back in Seattle. Derek had wanted to go see his family but then they would be asking all the hard questions that Derek could barely ask himself in the privacy of his own mind. _If I am not happy with Addison, should I leave her? Can I actually, truly end it this time, if that's what I really want? _Even though Derek was in emotional turmoil and really had been since Addison had come back, he still needed to check in with the hospital and Maggie. So he dialed the one number that his fingers itched to dial for so many weeks now.

Meredith, back at Seattle Grace, was trying to make it through her last hour at the hospital when her phone rang. Too tired to even think, since she'd been up and working for over 24 hours, she didn't check her caller id and just answered her phone. Usually at work she screened her calls and only answered if it was the nursing home. But today she just answered and was shocked out of her daze at who was calling her.

"Meredith Grey." As she listened to the voice on the other end of the line, she smiled. "Don't worry about her, she's doing just fine. You just take time and do your own thing ok?" She paused and listened to the other person respond. "I miss you too. And I'll see you soon ok?"

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you all so so much for reading and giving me such wonderful reviews. You people rock and are definitely the reason why I am trying to find a way this semester to write and post the chapters. 

minorcadence: thanks for your review. it was totally nice! awww you SO rock...the review AMAZING i just hope i can continue to be as good or better than you expect!

ThickerThanBlood :george makes me sooooo happy so he is definitely in this story with a big part! love that flopppy haired awkwardness...thanks for the review

elisgrey :thanks so so so so much for the nice words. you are so great to review!

izzabella :alex right now is an idea more than a character but he will definitely become a large part of the izzie story. thanks for the review!

mrspatrickdempsey: mere and derek are trying to get back together, who knows if addie will let them... thanks for the awesome words!

Greyaddict: thanks so much for the review! you are great to keep reviewing like this...makes me want to update so much faster

tvchickelsie: sorry about not updating as quickly as i used to...but i am working on it and the next chapter too!

skylinechick07: i hope you did well on exams. god knows how i did, but they are over and yeah...out of sight...but new classes...boo hiss. thanks for the review! they are working towards something, addison and derek are...and meredith is in there too.

Lexi: it took me a lot longer than i thought it would to update. sorry about that. yeah i have no idea what´s going on with Derek, that boy needs to think. I really enjoy your opinion about the story and i am so happy that you take time out every chapter to review. it´s awesome. you rock! it´s totally for you that i am updating in spain...ps the exam...quite nice thanks for asking!

luv24+Alias: I am trying to get them together in their own time. If I rush it, it doesn´t seem real ya know. But there will be a lot of them in the story so don´t worry! thanks for the review!

Lightning Lindy: thanks so much for the review! you are totally awesome. I do like Addie and I think she has a right to stand up and fight for her marriage and right to be happy, not that she will necessarily win...but she needs to put up a good fight to show it´s worth it to her.


	7. Closer to Fine

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Seven: Closer to Fine**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see). **Since there aren't any new episodes that I have seen (damn going to the internet café to download stuff) if I use stuff, which I kind of definitely do in this chapter, but they are only from recaps…**

Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the reviews! I am now totally eager to go with this story again so I'll be updating as much as I can!

Author Question: Do you people want to know the name of the artist for all of the songs that are the titles of each chapter? Because I can do that in a little extra note before the chapter starts if you peoples want, you know to check it out and listen to it while you're reading…actually I listen to the song when I am writing the chapter. SO…Tell me, talk to me, I'm lonely in a foreign country L

* * *

_Why had he called _me_? He could have easily called the hospital to check up on Maggie, but no, he had to call me, in the middle of me workday, to check up on their patient. And the whole I miss you thing? What WAS that? I didn't even realize that I said it back to him until 5 minutes after the conversation was over. _"Good lord I am in way way over my head with McDreamy," Meredith thought out loud, as she put her head in her hands. She was getting ready to leave for the day, even though it was only noon, her shift had been over since 11:30. She was sitting on the bench in front of her locker, extremely unsure of what to feel and do. _He can't keep doing this to me, it's unfair. I swear that's my mantra or something. No matter what he does, it's something not fair to either Addison or me. Now I know she isn't one of my favorite people but she is stuck in almost the same limbo as I am. Except he isn't trying to deliberately hurt me all the time, like he is trying to do to her._

Cristina had been standing in the locker room watching Meredith sit there and talk to herself with her head in her hands. _I swear I just heard her say McDreamy, but she wouldn't, she's totally over him. _"Hey Mere, long day?"

"Lord, you have no idea. How are you? I haven't seen you since pre-rounds this morning. Get any cool surgeries?"

Cristina smiled, "I have a few that could turn out to be interesting. You should stay around, you know see me the first of us to get into some textbooks by my amazing talent of standing there and answering questions while the surgeon gets to do all the work."

"I am too tired to think let alone try to see if you are being sarcastic or not."

"Have I taught you nothing? Always assume that I am being sarcastic. GOSH!" They smiled at one another. "But seriously Mere, are you ok?"

"I will be. I just got a call that I didn't expect and I am just off, so I guess it's good that I am going home, huh?" She smiled wearily.

"Yeah that's good. Who was the call from? The nursing home? Is your mom alright?"

"She's fine. No, it had nothing to do with her. It was McDreamy. He called me to check up on our patient that had a fairly risky procedure done yesterday evening. But what's weird about it is that he took a few days off but yet he called me today. He could have called the hospital but instead called me."

"Are he and Addison taking a long weekend?" Cristina asked, afraid of the answer because she didn't want Meredith to be any more hurt by this guy than she already was. And the couple taking a weekend would mean…stuff happening and moving forward. _She did call him McDreamy, dammit. _

"Actually he wanted to get away to clear his head. He said that he was confused and didn't know what to think anymore. Then he calls me and asks about Maggie… And tells me he misses me. What am I supposed to do with that?"

_Every time she almost gets out of it, he pulls her right back in again. _"I think…" Cristina had to pause in order to compose a nicer and less harsh answer than the one brewing in her mind. "I think you should just move on. This game of cat and mouse is only hurting you. He's still with his wife even though he is on a trip to clear his head. You need to think about you, not him."

"I know I know, but every time I try to get away somehow he pulls me back into it."

"Can you read my thoughts? Because I was just thinking that. I swear! What do you want to do?"

"If this were a perfect world? I would want to be with him because as much as I say I am no longer in love with him, I'm lying. I still love him. A lot. And yeah I promise I've been trying to get over him but he isn't over me. And I think he and Addison are going to end it. Does that mean he and I will get together? Eventually, not right as soon as the ink is dry on the divorce papers."

"And if it's not a perfect world?" Cristina really hated hearing her best friend so excited about something that wasn't going to happen. _Dr. Shepard left Meredith and went back to his wife because it was the right thing to do. He wouldn't then merely turn around and divorce her, basically saying 'I tried and it wasn't so much fun.'_

"I just want to see where he is after he comes back from his little vacation. If he's all about Addison then I am going to let it go. If he's talking about divorce or she's talking about divorce, I am just going to wait a little while. I'm not pathetic ok?"

"I know you aren't pathetic but come on Meredith, you have to move on! It's been months since Addison's been back and they have been together most of that time. He chose her. You know that. I'm sorry I have to be so direct but it doesn't seem like anything is getting through to you."

"I hear you and everything you are saying. I understand, I tried to move on and I broke that guy's… And then who had to fix him? McDreamy. Yeah. I know. It all comes back to him, no matter how I try to get over him, I just can't. I… I don't know what to Cristina. What should I do?"

_Now that's the million-dollar question. Didn't I just tell her what to do?_ Cristina closed her eyes as if in pain. She had no idea what to tell her friend. _Mere has hope in her eyes and I really don't want to quash it. But what kind of friend would I be if I lied to her, not the dumb little lies we have been trading, but one that could really help change her life?_ Cristina opened up her eyes and took a breath. "I think you need to go home and take a bath. As you know I am really good in the present, not so good with the future. Give me till tonight and I'll get back to you tonight when I invite myself over ok?"

Meredith laughed, "Thanks, I think that's a great idea. We'll definitely talk later and you'll be totally honest since you'll be tired and grumpy."

"I take a bit of offense to that. I am always honest. Extremely so. Thanks for that. Now I am hurt, so you can just go home now and I will talk to you tonight for our date ok?"

"Thanks Cris. I'll see you later. You want to bring the alcohol or should I?"

"Who said we need alcohol to hang out?" There was a silence where neither said anything.

Meredith started to laugh and said, "So that means it's my turn to buy huh?" Cristina nodded. "Do you want me to get Izzie to make some munchies? I'm thinking chocolate, what do you think?"

"That sounds great. Maybe I'll just be too drunk and full to drive home, well to Burke's. Because supposedly I'm now living with him or something… So go home and I'll see you at 7 tonight."

"Bye chica," Meredith said as she grabbed her LL Bean bag and walked out of the locker room. Meredith thought her relatively emotional day was over. Boy was she wrong.

* * *

Each day Izzie felt a little less angry towards the world than she was the day before. Today was no exception. She was in a much better mood now that she was home and was baking not to get the stress out, but just for the joy of baking. She had gotten to the point where she was just resigned to what Alex had done to her, not necessarily angry anymore. She had so much fun when they were friends but realized that she didn't like who she was when she was with him romantically. She had been much more emotional and never really happy, except when he kissed her at Joe's. That was probably the best moment in their relationship. But after she caught him in that um, compromising position, and the shock and anger had worn off; she realized that she didn't want to lose such a fun friend. He was like a special friend to her because he treated her special and acted so nice to her, sharing stuff with her that he hadn't with anyone else, at least in Seattle.

_But what do I do now? I don't want to act like nothing happened because he disrespected me and our relationship, but I don't want to just be mad at him for the rest of our residency. I mean even though it hurt me so much to help him study for his boards, I missed hanging out with him. But at the same time I don't want to seem like I am crawling back to him because I can't live with him. I could NOT handle that ego…_ Izzie laughed at the thought. Alex would be acting around the interns like the main peacock but then when they were alone he would be nothing but apologetic. _Man I don't know. There is a lot going on up here in my head and I'm happy with me right now. All I need is to get some random ass. I feel like such a guy thinking about sex in such a flippant manner. I don't want to degrade sex at all, I just need some. And when I was younger, I had a much more idealized view of the act, but honestly, that has worn off, and now I merely want to scratch an itch. I know there need to be feelings involved in an ideal sexual encounter, but desperate times call for less than perfect circumstances. Whatever… I just need to concentrate on me and my happiness, well and more than happiness, my sanity. _

Izzie started to clean up the kitchen from her baking mess. She first filled up the sink with warm soapy water and then proceeded to put all the pans and bowls into that sink. She figured that while she was cleaning up her stuff, she could be nice and clean up the entire kitchen from breakfast. She got to the table and piled up the bowls. Unfortunately, she forgot some spoons so when she went back to the table, she got all the spoons, but found some random piece of paper sticking out from under the place mat. Thinking it to be rubbish, Izzie balled the paper up to throw away but saw that there was writing on it. she opened the ball of paper up and started to read it.

Izzie

I really hope you find this today or else that would totally defeat the purpose of the note. But then again I know you and you couldn't possibly leave a dirty kitchen before you started your day off. Ha, I made a joke, well at least it's funny to me at what time is it? Like 4 something in the am. Well I hope you have a great day off, don't nest too much. You need sleep. Knowing you, you probably did not sleep at all last night on call. Well yeah, that's all I wanted to say, so hi, and have a good day. You know if you want you can make me some brownies because you know how much I love love your desserts. Yum! Wow just the thought of getting some after I get home totally woke me up.

See you sometime tonight,

George

As Izzie finished the letter she couldn't stop smiling. How cute was George for leaving her a note? Very. And she had definitely giggled when he say that he wanted some when he got home from the hospital, that was her intention too, but not from him and not in the form of chocolate. _Lord, I need to sleep, _she thought, _especially since I am giggling like a pre-teen. But honestly, that was really sweet of him to write me a little note. I am surprised that he knows me so well that he put the note in such a random place that only I was destined to find. Did that even make sense? I am just in dire need of a bed. But I have to wait t-minus 10 minutes until the brownies are done. _

* * *

_I called her. I told her that I missed her. Without thinking she said that she missed me too. But it wasn't the 'oh I am just saying it because it's habitual,' but instead said it like she hadn't realized that she had said it. As if the phrase slipped past her lips before she could think. I just want to call her again. Yet then again I shouldn't call her at all. It's not fair. I know that and I know that I hurt her each and every time I single her out, have a moment in the elevator, or want to kiss her. She knows me. She knows when I want to kiss her, which is more often than it should be, seeing as how I am married and all that. I could also reverse the question and say, why am I still married when I am still in love with another woman. So many questions, so many different emotions. What do I really feel for Addison? Is it love? Or is it a sense of duty to do the right thing and try to make the marriage work? When Meredith asked me if I was in love with Addison, a long time ago it seems, I told her that I wasn't sure. Why oh why had I gotten back together with her when I knew I was in love with Meredith?_ Derek paced up and down the common room of the house he was staying at. He had called in a favor with a friend on the west coast and was currently staying at said friend's weekend home on the water in Washington state. It had been a drive but being on the beach and completely alone made the trip worth it. Being winter and in Washington, no one wanted to go to the beach, so Derek had it seemed, the whole entire beach to himself. He definitely felt like the ocean that was tumultuously crashing on the beach, one wave after another. All Derek needed was some rain, lightening and wind, and then the weather would perfectly match his mood. _How did I let things go so far? I need to call her. _

So Derek picked up his phone a second time today, two more times than he was going to use it at all this break, and started dialing a familiar number. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear her voice or to get her voicemail. He didn't know if he could call her and be honest with her, more honest than he had been all these months.

* * *

Meredith was shaking her head as she walked into the elevator. _Cristina is a quality friend who sometimes is a bit confusing. She is totally in love with Burke but at the same time afraid to commit. Not that I had any problem with that ever…ha! I can even lie to myself, but at least I don't usually take crap from myself. _When the doors closed, Meredith expelled a breath. She was the only person in the elevator, _thank god!_ But instead of going down, it went up. _Ok, I know I pressed the down button. What's going on? _Guess who is behind door number one? Only one person, someone Meredith didn't expect. _Crap._

Addison walked into the elevator and stood next to Meredith. _Why are the elevators in this damn building so rigged to mess with my life? _Both Meredith and Addison thought at the same time, after they greeted one another. _Should I ask her? Is that smart of me to do? Am I just asking to be burned?_ But Addison was dying to know if Meredith had talked to Derek since he had abruptly left. _It's only been a day and I assume they haven't talked, but I still want to know because if they have, I should just pack up and move out of the trailer. I can't, I won't, ugh. I can't take being hurt this much. _Just as Addison had decided to talk to Meredith, the elevator stopped.

The door opened and Addison asked, "Meredith?"

* * *

Author's Note: Oh I am not a very nice person leaving it off on some major cliffs. But then again I wanted to build some anticipation, let's hope I did that well without being too obvious or boring. Thanks so much to all of you who have reviewed, been so very nice and commented on the chapters. It really means so very much to me to have y'all take time out and specifically write me a note about the chapter. So because you all rock, I decided to get this chapter out faster than I intended…oh and I have a surprise. I have already started the next two chapters! I haven't started classes yet, they start on superbowl Monday so I have some time on my hands during the afternoons. One of the hardest things for me, as I said before, is finding the perfect name of the chapter and I already have those for 8 and 9 so things will come out as quickly as my persnickety computer and typing little hands will allow them (the hands aren't the problem, the comp is having some identity crisis where it goes CRAZY on me). So thanks so much for the reviews and yeah, see ya next chapter. 


	8. Change is Going to Come

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Eight: Change is Going to Come **

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see).

Author's Note: I really want to be like a TV announcer and say, "last time on Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies…" but again, I am just not that cool.

P.S. I love this whole watching Spanish TV and then writing the chapter in English. It's kinda weird because my brain is working in two languages at the same time. Thank you ALL so VERY VERY much for the reviews, they are great and definitely encourage me to write more chapters.

P.P.S. **Totally downloaded everything, tried to get the superbowl one today, but my jump drive couldn't hold it. Going to take my comp to the internet café tomorrow to get the whole episode. I am SO excited. And a little under the weather. Boo hiss on that one. **

Artist: Gavin DeGraw

* * *

"Meredith?" Addison Shepard asked again, her voice a little timid. Meredith turned around, her eyebrows all contorted to show how confused she was that Addison seeking her out. "Have you…" Addison lost her voice. She tried again, "Did you…" Even the second time she just couldn't form the entire sentence. _But I have to ask her for my sanity and my marriage. And what if she says yes she did talk to him? What do I do then? Is my skin thick enough to handle that? If it is thick enough, will I continue to be queen of Passive Aggressiva land or will I get out my cojones and do something to save my marriage? _Addison looked up and saw Meredith looking at her with a strange expression. Then Meredith's phone rang, breaking the spell.

Meredith gave Addison the 'may I?' look and Dr. Montgomery Shepard nodded. "Hello?" Meredith asked into her phone, without checking the caller ID because she was so preoccupied with Addison acting very strangely with her.

"Hey Mere," Derek said into the phone, letting out a breath of relief that she answered. Her voice had always centered him, today wasn't any different. He could just see his life so much more clearly when she was around, it was when she wasn't around or she had that hurt look in her eyes when Derek had no idea what to do. _I want to tell her she's my anchor. I want to tell her that she keeps me afloat. I need to get away from the ocean because these water metaphors are really messing with my head. _"How are you?"

"I am fine, thanks. Just about to leave the hospital actually, I have the afternoon off." _This is NOT happening. I am not talking to him on the phone while his wife, who he is obviously not calling, is standing here waiting to ask me something. It would only be my luck that she would ask me something about him. _"Can you actually hold on, Dr. Montgomery Shepard wanted to ask me a question and I don't want to keep her waiting?"

"Are you serious? Man is my timing amazing." He said to no one in particular because Meredith had taken the phone away from her ear and was looking to Addison.

"Yes, Dr. Shepard?"

"Meredith, I was wondering if, um…" _Where is that hard assed Addie that you came to Seattle as! She's just an intern who your husband chose you over. _

"Do you have a favor to ask?"

Addison closed her eyes and opened them, determined to get this over with and to find out the truth. Abruptly she interrupted Meredith with a, "No. Actually I was wondering if you had talked to my husband since he had left."

"Since yesterday you mean?" Meredith did not want to play this game. _Who knows what Addison knows. I mean honestly, does she know that he talked to me after they talked last night? Good lord I do not need to be in the middle of this, especially with him on the phone listening. When was the last time he called me anyway, before today?_

"Yes, Derek had to go away and I was wondering if he called you at all since then."

_How do I play this? Should I tell her the entire truth, part, or none? Why should I spare her feelings? She did not spare mine when she was trying to get him back. _"I spoke with him earlier this morning about the post-op patient Maggie." _Right now doesn't really count because I'm talking to her, not him. _

Addison's eyebrows rose as she thought. _Well he didn't call her, he called the hospital to talk to his intern about a patient. But he still talked to her, knowing that she was his intern and she was the one who was checking up on this patient, and this happened all before he even called me to let me know that he had gotten to wherever he was safely. I am driving myself crazy here with all this speculation. _Addison shook her head, as if to clear it. "Good, well I am glad that even though he is gone he checked up on his patient, that's one less thing I have to worry about. Thank you for clearing that up for me. Good day Dr. Grey." With a toss of her hair, Addison walked away all fabulous and leggy, even though her heart was breaking just a little bit more than it had the night before. The cracks had worsened and she feared destruction.

* * *

After Meredith watched Addison walk away a less confident than Meredith had ever seen her, she finally realized that Derek was on the phone. "So, I am sure you just got that whole conversation."

"Yeah, sorry about her Mere, she's just. I don't know what she is."

"She's in pain. I can't believe I am about to defend her to you. Why do you make me do this?" Meredith asked as she opened the driver's side door to her Jeep.

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't be in the middle of this at all."

"Why did you call?"

"I have been pacing around the room all morning since I called you and I just. I wanted to hear your voice. I wanted to talk to you. I didn't realize…"

"You didn't realize how complicated my life is, especially where you are concerned?

"Meredith?"

She ignored him, "You didn't see how your actions not only affect you and me, but Addison as well?"

"Meredith?"

She sighed, saying, "You better stop me now or else I could rant the entire drive home."

"Meredith?" When she didn't interrupt, he continued, "You are on your way home? Be careful driving. Do you want to hang up so you can concentrate on the task at hand?"

Meredith banged her free hand on the dashboard and said, "That's it! You don't have the right to be worried about me." She stated so emphatically that her voice cracked.

Again he tried to interrupt her. "Mere?"

She charged on, fueled by her anger, "You equals a married man."

"Mere?" he asked a little louder.

"You have a wife, one who is worried about you and has to ask your ex-girlfriend if she's heard from him."

"Meredith?" Derek all but screamed. He continued speaking very forcefully, over her angry statements. He just had to get this out. "I worry because I am still…" he paused for a few beats but continued in a much softer voice, one she had to strain to hear which said, "in love with you."

* * *

Cristina was in the zone. She was in the hospital with only Alex and George to compete with, which was laughable, because neither were worthy competitors. You could read Alex like a children's book, his face so easily gave away his next move that she really didn't need to try around him. But she had to give him some credit, no matter how down and out anyone thought he was, he would always come back strong and surprise the lot. George was another story. _A puppy that George is. He wants to get ahead but doesn't want to be ungentlemanly about it, which is nice, but not something that's going to get him into the books. His open-heart surgery in the elevator was a defining moment in his career definitely because he proved to us all that he is more than just a floppy haired Meredith lover. He is more of a challenge to compete with than Alex, just because as predictable George is, he also can be quite a wildcard. You always want to underestimate George but every single time you do, he does something that forces you to respect him. Quality kid that George is. Alex isn't bad either but I want Meredith and Izzie here, they are much more challenging and make me play my "on" game so much better. But then again do I really want Mere to be here, do I really want to face her before I've had a chance to digest everything and make a decision for her? Damn, I need someone to talk to outside of this McDreamy sphere. _

As she was thinking, Cristina had been efficiently multi-tasking, taking a patient's history for pre-op notes, as well as talking. Someone who can talk, take _coherent_ notes, and think about something completely different is amazing. At least that's what Burke was thinking while he was standing in the doorway watching his intern and girlfriend. He could tell she wasn't completely there by the way her head was tilted, but she still appeared to be there by talking and listening to the patient. He cleared his throat and entered the room. He still loved the fact that even though they had been dating for a while and also had been living together for a good time, whenever she saw him at the hospital as her superior, she got flustered, and he knew it. It gave him a little thrill, much like butterflies in his stomach, something he wanted to smile at, but knew he shouldn't. _That would be unprofessional and we have already been down that route too many times since we've started dating, I don't want to make a habit of it. _

"What do we have here Dr. Yang?" Burke spoke up.

Cristina went on to explain that their patient, Logan Sullivan, needed a stint placed in one of his main arteries right near his heart. It was a very unusual case because Logan was only 24 years old. Usually a patient who needs a stint is much older and has had many years to clog his artery with cholesterol and genetic disposition. Logan had none of those factors causing his 95 clogged artery. It was almost a complete mystery because his cholesterol level was not even that high. He had come into the hospital because while playing almost pro level basketball he collapsed and started bleeding through his anus. After Logan had been given a blood transfusion, Cristina had given him the works in test because there seemed to be no reason why all these bad things were happening to such a young and athletic man. When she finally discovered the cause, the artery being almost completely blocked, Burke couldn't have been more proud of his smart intern, as well as incredible girlfriend. Usually Dr. Burke was a too specialized surgeon to do such a routine surgery as a stint, but because of the rarity of the case, he definitely wanted to be the one in charge.

"Thank you Dr. Yang. Logan, I have scheduled your surgery for this afternoon, do you have any questions? Dr. Yang will assist me in fixing you and also finding out why this happened to you. It's a mystery why your artery is clogged, seeing as how you have no family history or high cholesterol, but it's an easily fixable mystery. A very routine surgery, and your recovery time will be much shorter than the regular patient who gets this surgery because of your age in comparison to theirs. I will see you this afternoon, Dr. Yang? Can you please come with me?"

The two exited the patients room and walked down the hallway. Before Burke could open his mouth, Cristina asked him, "Wanna have lunch with me?"

Preston decided to play with her a bit before giving in. "Oh I see, when the girls are gone, then you want to have lunch with me."

"Uh," She looked at his face and saw the twinkle in his eye, "Yeah, you are so far down on my list of people I want to have lunch with that I was really debating between you and Alex. You won, barely."

"Ouch. And you call him the Spawn of Satan. I wonder what you call me when I'm not around," he teased.

"I don't call you anything in mixed company. With the girls…now that's a different story. Let's just say, it's a flattering nickname." She joked.

"I know for my own sanity, I am just going to forget that. Not going to remember it after this moment." They walked down to the cafeteria and got their lunch. They found a nice table off to a corner so they could have a semblance of privacy. After they had started on their lunch, Burke asked her, "So what's on your mind, you were preoccupied when we were in Logan's room and even now you aren't here. What's up?"

Cristina thought about it before speaking. _Now he's nowhere related to the Meredith-McDreamy-Addison love triangle, but should I really bring my boyfriend and boss into something concerning his co-workers? I can't talk to anyone else. I talk to him or Meredith and I can't talk to her. _"Let's go hypothetical. I have a friend. She has this weird relationship with this guy. It's almost on-again-off-again and she wants to get over him, I really believe she does, but every time she takes one step forward he does something to bring her 5 steps back to him. I want to tell her to get over him, and she has tried, but she can't. She wants me to tell her what to do and I want to tell her the truth that this is a destructive relationship that they have, but honestly, without him, she's just plain sad. A shell. And without her, he's not the same at all. He's a harder person and that's difficult for him to be since his personality is so friendly and upbeat. I don't know what to do."

"Wow. That's tough, and probably the most you have ever actually spoken in one straight go before, at least to me. But moving on. Do you want me to beat him up because he needs to stop this thing. Honestly, I know this is hypothetical but we both know who you are talking about. I like Meredith and I really like Addison. And by default, I really don't like Shepard and what he's doing. I actually kind of do like him because he tries so hard to get me to like him, but this bringing his personal life into the hospital, not acceptable. He just needs to chose. Meredith really can't do anything but wait for him to finally choose. I mean we all thought he had when he didn't sign the divorce papers, but that wasn't actually doing anything. He was doing nothing. He hasn't actually done anything at all. He didn't necessarily choose Addison, he chose to do NOTHING. And that's what makes me not have a lot of respect for the man, the surgeon is a different person. Again, I wish he didn't bring the whole hospital into his personal life, but we're in it so I can have an opinion of the whole ordeal and be on a side. I am on the women's side. Both of them, Meredith and Addison. He shouldn't string them both along.

I can understand that he's having trouble coping with the woman he loved who he married and then grew apart from and eventually caught in an affair, and the woman he's in love with now. He's trying to do the right thing by seeing if it can still work with Addison, but he should cut Meredith free. She deserves to lick her wounds in private and move on. Yet, whenever there is a crisis in her life, he's there to pick up the pieces. Don't look surprised, I know almost as much as Bailey does when it comes to this hospital. Just because I don't have many friends here doesn't mean I can't see or hear."

Cristina looked at Burke in a whole new light. Without thinking she said, "I can now definitely see you as Preston." When she realized what she said, instead of making an excuse for it, she continued on, "I completely agree with you on McDreamy. But he's not my problem. I want to shoot him but if I did, I would have to deal with a more broken best friend than I already have. What should I do about her now?" _I am really surprised at his, I don't know, insight in this problem. He's not a macho man who will only back up a man's side. I knew he wasn't but until I heard it from the source…I would have always wondered…_

"I can't believe I am discussing a colleague's love life, but you wanted my opinion so here it is: tell her the truth, a softer version of it, but tell her it's time to move on. Go over to her place tonight and have a girls' night of drinking, eating chocolate and shopping online. I never know what the third thing is you do. I know there is gossip but that's a definite, it's that elusive third thing that makes your sex so complicated…I digress. Don't be your abrupt self, ease her into the truth. Get her side of it first, but then just tell her."

Cristina raised a finger to interrupt. "Actually I haven't told you the whole story. Shepard is away for a few days. After his last surgery where Meredith was his intern, he ran into Addison and they had it out, well more like he just had enough. She was jealous and he got mad and decided to leave Seattle for a few days. He saw Meredith before he left and as he walked away from her he said that he thought he had made a mistake. That was all last night. Then he called Meredith this morning asking about their patient and told her he missed her. And that's all I know right now. Oh wait, before he talked to Addison and left, he said something to Meredith about love being the only thing worth fighting for, even if love itself isn't enough."

"He is playing something and someone is going to get hurt. I want it to be him. But honestly, either woman he chooses, he'll be luckier than he deserves, and will be hurt because I think he loves both of them, differently, but does love them both. He just has to decide which one is stronger. I feel so bad for Meredith, this is really messing with her, I bet. I want you to tell her to get over him, but if he's the one, she needs to fight for that. But she shouldn't wait because he doesn't deserve her waiting for him to decide when's a good time for him to come to her. She needs something to hold on to and believe in other than her love for him. She needs to live for her now and not necessarily them. She needs to be selfish and happy. Happy is something she hasn't been for a while, not since before Addison got here. Granted, I don't think I have seen either Meredith or Shepard as happy as they were before Addison got here." Burke rubbed his forehead as if in pain. Cristina put her hand on top of his on the table. Never before had she initiated contact in such a way before. It made him warm inside, but he had to push that happiness out to think about a solution to her problem. "Tell Meredith she needs to be selfish for once and do stuff for herself. Be frivolous, go shoe shopping or something. I don't know _that_ much about what you women do for fun together."

"Are you serious?" Cristina looked at him, mouth agape. "Shoe shopping? That is the BEST idea ever. Thank you so much. Selfish, I have to remember that, selfish. Be like Alex. Ok I got it. Alcohol, chocolate, and shoes. Thanks Preston, you helped I think more than anyone else I could have gone to."

Burke looked up from his sandwich at Cristina thinking, _She just called me Preston._ He smiled. _This is another one of those good moments, which turns the day into a good day for us. _

* * *

Author's Note: I really wanted to continue, but I thought this was a good place to stop. It's like a natural pause. But that doesn't mean that I won't continue chapter 9 immediately, hey who knows? I might have it up today as well. Probably not actually because I want to hear what people think about each individual chapter. But I think I will definitely have 9 up before the weekend is out. It's really nice here not having classes on Fridays, so I have all day here to work on the new chapter and then my friends and I are going to watch Grey's tonight, all the new episodes from January until Superbowl Sunday. I've already seen most of them, so it's going to be fun looking for new material for this story in the episodes. Thank you all so much for reviewing the last chapter. You all rock. Sorry that it took so long to update. Just started classes this week so…yeah not as much free time as before. So my Peanut M&Ms and I thank you so much for the feedback. They are my muses, each and every chocolatey amazingness.

Oh and the whole Logan stint story is based on something that happened to my dad but he wasn't that young, also Dick Chaney had to get one as well. Not a fun procedure but very routine. So it's true in almost everything but the age and what he was doing when he collapsed. And Logan is a hot name based on a basketball player from my university in the states…mmm..wait focus on Grey's…McDreamy, k I'm back. See y'all soon!

**Cassie: **thanks for reviewing! I hope you continue to read and like the story after the first chapter. I am working on getting them together, I can't wait for this new episode to come out, I think it'll be a big Meredith/mcdreamy episode. Thanks OH SO very much for the review.

**Flying-pink-llamas-attack: **three reviews one after the other about different chapters? You win the gold star for the day. Thanks so much for going out of your way to review older chapters even though I had written them way back when. That's so great of you. Thanks. I hope you continue to like the story as much.

**Greyaddict: **THANKS! AHHH you thought it was fab! I feel SPECIAL! I updated REAL soon, well not from 7-8 but from 8-9 and hopefully I'll get on a schedule where I can do like 2 a week. That would be so cool. Thanks for the review! I love looking forward to reading what you think of the chapters.

**AlienGurl1718: **AHH you rock at boosting my ego. I know mine isn't one of the best because I don't read mine and some of the others out there are just amazing, but thank you so much for the kind words, they make me happy. GEORGE IS THE BEST! I could never date a guy like him, unless he grows more of a backbone when it comes to Meredith (and in general), but he is amazing. I am glad you like the George Izzie thing too. I want them to be happy and get some airtime somewhere, so why not in a story? thanks for the review, you are awesome.

**Mary Kate113: **Thanks so much. Sorry that I did leave it at the edge of a cliff…cuz I don't know if I can say sorry I left it at a cliff hanger, that just sounds weird or grammatically incorrect. Whatever. Thanks so much for the review, actually I wanted to see if I could write a cliff hanger so with all this feedback telling me to hurry up and update, I guess I can. Thanks for calling me evil, it makes me all happy inside…don't ask, I'm on Nyquil.

**Claire: **Thanks for the sweet review. You honestly don't know how much a few simple words really make me want to write so much more. Thanks for the review, honestly, thanks (as I can't articulate…).

**D0RKY GiiiRL: **I see you, (as I squint looking very attractive to the niiice looking Spanish men…)! I updated! And quick! I should get points, or a brownie…ohh I want a brownie really bad! Umm and not going to lie, one of my email addresses had to do with dorky ducks…yeah we are just connected…eerily so. Thanks for the awesome review, you rock at always reviewing, you have NO idea how special you are for doing that.

**Lightning Lindy: ** It's here it's here! I hope you liked this one. Not so resolved, but hey it works right? And the next one is also here, I wonder if you'll read that one before you read my little note to you…hmmmm…thanks for your wonderful reviews!

**MEL: **Oh thank you so much! Totally made me smile and that's difficult since I have a really bad cold and life sucks right now, so you are awesome for being you and nice enough to review I didn't mean to rhyme. I love George, I want him to be happy and I don't think he would ever be with Meredith, Izzie I think works well with him.

**Minorcadence: **Ten points for you for the great review! Holy cow! You almost wrote as much as I do in the chapter! I am definitely going to take a reality time out on the George and Izzie front. There are too many unresolved issues with both of them to just jump into something romantic…but that doesn't mean that they can't get drunk…who knows! Pobrecita for not being able to read the whole chapter 6 until today. I hope it was worth it. thanks thanks for the review. I am working on becoming an expert at window shopping for castanets…not actually doing anything with them, that takes skills.

**luv24+Alias: **Thanks again for reviewing. You are definitely one who always reviews and I get so excited that you really like the story and have been with me since basically the beginning.

**PatEllen: **Thanks for the great review. Honestly just reading such nice words really makes me want to write so much more as fast as I can. You have no idea how 'wow' it is for people to like my writing and take time out to tell me about it. so thanks SO very much.


	9. Shoot the Moon

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Nine: Shoot the Moon**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and may use references from any subsequent episode (I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to follow the story-line of the show as it unfolds, we'll see). 'Kay, have stuff from the newer episodes…not much but some little detailish things, no major plot lines, I hope.

Author's Note: Yeah SO HAPPY that I've gotten to see all the new episodes, but the one that's on tonight (but I won't get to see that until Tuesday or Wednesday so I can deal, but I end up spending so much of my internet café money on Grey's that I'll not have enough left to do work when I have work to do this semester). At least last semester I could see stuff maybe a few days late when I was in Scotland, but that was because I had internet in my room…I am definitely trying to steal wireless from people in this apartment building but people have locks on their internet. BOO THEM. Thank y'all so very very much for the reviews and the wonderfully nice notes. They are great and fantabulous; you all are great and fantabulous! **I wrote notes to people who reviewed chapter 7 and those who reviewed earlier chapters while I was posting 7…so sorry for the delay but they're up, just go check out the bottom of chapter 8!**

_à_ _I am also really sorry that I said this would be out on Sunday but I am so sick that I finished it Sunday but couldn't get to the internet place so it's up in the wee hours of Monday morning for you people in the States. Thanks for not hating me for breaking my promise. I tried to get this out earlier this morning but I am a moron and uploaded the wrong chapters onto my jump drive. Just look at chapter 7 I uploaded it thinking I was putting up the most recent chapter with all my individual thanks but instead I just accidentally put up the same chapter 7 without the thank yous from before. I am SUCH a loser. But here's this chapter and I promise 10 will be up on Wednesday._

Artist: Nora Jones

* * *

"WHAT?" Meredith said as she swerved in traffic, totally caught off-guard by the declaration Derek just made. On the other end of the line Derek could hear horns blasting but waited until they subsided before he asked if she was ok. "I didn't cause an accident or anything if that's what you are asking. Actually wait, that was not my fault at all. I blame you. You just throw this at me like a bucket of cold water while I am DRIVING in Seattle's best traffic AND weather and…urrrph" She was feeling so many different emotions for him at that moment that she couldn't speak or even think. "You know what? I think it would be better if we didn't talk while I am driving ok? I kinda want to get home as intact as I was when I left it."

Derek's confidence and euphoria for having finally told her how he felt deflated completely. "You don't want to talk?"

"Not right now. But after I am not driving, yes we can talk."

_Well at least that's something. _"Alright, I'll give you a call in a little bit ok? Be safe driving the rest of the way back to the house," he said as she pulled into her driveway. She left the motor running so he would think that she was still driving. "I'll call you in a little bit ok?"

"That sounds great," Meredith said, trying to sound neutral. "I'll talk to you soon."

After they hung up Meredith turned off her engine and laid her head on the steering wheel. _I was almost enjoying my life, being alone and working really hard, actually getting on track when he came along and messed everything up. Now I don't want to be alone, and the only person that can fix that is him. _

* * *

George was at the hospital with Dr. Montgomery Shepard. Of all the doctors to be put with, she wasn't the one to be with today, and everyone knew it. Even though George was the last person to know about absolutely everything, he still found out about Dr. Shepard's hasty departure the evening before. _But_ _I can handle this. I live with two very very female roommates. I can handle a boss on the verge of losing her husband to his ex-girlfriend. Then I get to go home and deal with the ex-girlfriend. A woman I love very deeply. Wait I mean the woman I am in love with._ George shook his head, physically to try to clear his thoughts. _I_ _just need more sleep. My thoughts get away from me and try to confuse me even more. _All the while George was thinking, he was in fact waiting outside the patient's room for Dr. Montgomery Shepard to finish checking the dilation of the cervix of a patient about to give birth to multiple fetuses. This woman did not want George in the room for the preparation to the birth, but he could be there and participate when she was giving birth. _I_ _will never understand the female psyche, _George thought as he leaned against the outer wall of the patient's room. Over all it was a slow day. On one level he was lucky being Dr. Montgomery Shepard's intern because then he didn't have to deal with Cristina and all of her antics trying to get in the OR.

George rubbed his face with his hands. He just wanted Dr. Bailey to come back. Addison Shepard forced Dr. Bailey to go on bed-rest for the rest of her pregnancy, so the interns did not have their Nazi. They had already gone through a couple of residents, so the doctors within Seattle Grace decided that instead of finding a new resident, they would just keep the interns they had been working with while Bailey had been around. Unfortunately, Dr. Shepard's departure shortened the list of viable surgeons to take on interns, but since Meredith was off until the next day the chief had time to find a solution. _Life is easier when things are the status-quo. I don't like change, well except when it deals with underwear. Life is just easier when there isn't much to change. But not about surgeries because that could get monotonous and make us all complacent, I just mean about my condition. I like knowing what to expect when I get to work. Again not with cases, but with whom I am going to answer to, Bailey, then when I get home, I live with Meredith and Izzie. It's comfortable to like, love Meredith because it's just the way things have been since the beginning. Izzie has been the best friend type and Meredith has been the one I can't quite get but I really want to get. And when they have bad days, they come into my bed, which is weird because mine is clearly the smallest of them all. But I would like to think that they just want to cuddle with a strong man like me. Or really anything male and human, not the dog/hyena. Thank GOD we got rid of that thing. That was one change that I needed, so I guess change can be good. But I don't like change where Meredith is concerned. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I like knowing I can depend on that crush, or major infatuation, especially when almost everything else in my life is questioned. That and my home life were things that were untouched by the chaos of everyday life. Unfortunately, things are going to change, things are changing as I am standing here not looking professional with my hands covering my eyes, leaning back on this wall as the rest of the hospital actually accomplishes stuff for the day._

* * *

_I am so glad that I don't have to deal with the hospital until sometime not so ungodly tomorrow, _thought Izzie as she lazily splashed her toes around in the bath. _It's_ _so nice being the only one home and getting to feel female once again. It has been so long. It's also really nice to be selfish for once. I mean how long has it been since I've done anything for me? Or for that matter, how long has it been since I've shaved? Good lord my legs are just atrocious. _Izzie closed her eyes and listened to Jamie Cullum softly singing through her ipod headphones, which were on the ground next to the bathtub. She had wanted to read her new romance novel that she picked up from the drugstore on her way home. _I_ _spent so much money just getting girly stuff today. I don't think I've spent that much money for my use only since, I have no idea how long it's been. And to actually have time to read a book that wasn't full of medical terms…I can't remember when I had time for one of those. Granted I am not actually reading it, I tried to, but it's so nice to just be here and allow my thoughts to take me away._

_Is it wrong that I want to get some random sex tonight? Again not something I ever do, much like getting a romance novel. I don't know if I have done what Meredith does, I don't know if I can pick up a guy and then without really knowing him, bring him back to my house and sleeping with him, only to toss him out of the house before my roommates wake-up. Can I do that? Is that something I am capable of doing? Or should I just wait for the sex and just go out to have fun and to be noticed? _Before Izzie could answer her own question, she heard the front door slam, which startled her into knocking some water over the lip of the tub.

"Mere? Is that you? It better not be George because he is supposed to be at work." Izzie said, her voice getting a little more high-pitched because she was nervous and naked in the bathtub without any means of defending herself if the person who entered the house was not in fact one of her roommates.

"It's me Izzie," Meredith replied from behind the door connecting her bedroom to the bathroom.

"LORD Mere, you scared me so much. I hope you don't mind I am using your bath."

"I told you you could any time. Don't worry about it," Meredith said in a very tired and distracted voice.

"Are you ok? Come on in here."

Meredith walked into the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet. "Oh, it's nothing really. McDreamy just called me and told me that he's in love with me. No big deal really."

"No big deal! Did he say anything else?"

"I wouldn't let him. I almost caused an accident on our street when he told me. I told him that I needed to drive in peace. So he's going to call me back later." She put her head in her hands and mumbled, "I don't know what to do."

Izzie started to sit up in the tub but realized that she would not only splash water everywhere, she would also expose most of her glory to Meredith so she moved back into her original position and replied, "Mere, there is nothing you can do right now. You just have to wait for him to call you and listen to him. His declaration, did it change how you feel about him?"

"No I have been and still very much am in love with him. He being in love with me too is just an added bonus. I just can't grasp what it's going to mean. Should I get my hopes up?"

"I think you should just go in your room and lay down. You look like you are about to pass out. You need to be alert for this call. You need to be mentally ready to handle all these emotions he's going to throw at you. But I think you can hope a little bit. He did tell you that he loves you. That's something." Izzie got excited and nervous for her friend. _Mere looks like she is carrying the entire solar system on those tiny shoulders. I hope he doesn't crush her. She can take it, but I don't want him to put her through the paces only to pull her out right before the race. She doesn't deserve to be played with. _

"That sounds like a great idea Izzie, thanks so much for listening, even though I probably don't make any sense. Sleep sounds like a great idea." She wearily got off the toilet seat and walked like an old man to her bed where she just fell onto it, face forward, all clothes still on, and not under the covers. Izzie just shook her head and leaned back in the tub. _Thank goodness I made some brownies. She is going to need all the chocolate she can get. And alcohol. That's a must. _

* * *

Cristina was so happy with herself. She was going to be the best best friend Meredith could ever have. And she can't take the credit; her incredible boyfriend came up with the idea. They would do the best kind of therapy a woman could do in a situation as convoluted as Meredith's: they would shoe shop without having to leave Meredith's house. Cristina stopped by her apartment that Burke still didn't know about to get a few back magazines that would definitely have quality shoes, and grabbed her laptop. _I_ _am totally rocking, _Cristina thought the entire ride from her apartment to Mere's house. _I_ _even stopped for alcohol because I know Mere probably forgot to get some, or has already started without me. I am majorly rocking this best friend job today. I should get some sort of prize. _

She pulled up to the house, earlier than she intended to be there, but excitedly hopped out of her car with her bags of goodies. Izzie let her in the house and said, "Mere's been up in her room since she got here. I was her bath when she got home but when I got out, she was asleep. I think she might still be but I am not sure. She was on-call last night so she needs this sleep. She's only been up there from about noon till now, so what is that? 4 hours?" Meredith didn't want Izzie to tell Cristina about what McDreamy had said to her because Meredith wanted to do it herself. _I don't know how I feel about McDreamy telling Mere that. As much as I want to hate Addison, she doesn't deserve to be treated like this. For that matter, Meredith doesn't either. He better not be leading her on because then I'll show him what Dr. Model learned in self-defense while she was more of a model and less of a doctor. He wouldn't even know what hit him. Either way, someone is going to get hurt…but at the same time, it was nice to see Mere with a little bit of hope in her eyes again. The dead look was scary._

"Thanks Izzie. But it's time for our girl to wake up. 5 hours is plenty of time to sleep. Oh I have a grand surprise for Meredith and you when I get her ass downstairs so stay down here while I get her and you'll be so very happy, I promise," Cristina said with a grin while she dropped her bags on the couch. She still had that grin on her face when she quietly opened Meredith's door and snuck over to the bed and got in on the side Mere wasn't using. Meredith either didn't hear her or just decided to ignore Cristina. This game was getting old very quickly for Cristina so she nudged Meredith with her elbow in Mere's side. "Mere, I'm here for our fun night. It can start early. Hello?"

Meredith turned over and looked at Cristina with the same shell-shocked look she had been wearing for the last hour or so. Her nostrils were flaring and her eyes were large but she neither said anything nor acknowledged Cristina's presence.

"Meredith, I know you are all about the drama, but this is really scaring me. What's going on?" When Mere didn't respond, Cristina started to shake her best friend.

All of a sudden Meredith opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She looked like a fish. Meredith tried to speak again and this time her mouth formed the words, "He said, he…me…It's…over?" and started to cry. Cristina pulled her friend into her arms and held her while the tears became stronger and stronger. _So it's finally over_, Cristina thought. _She has come to realize that there is no more McDreamy._

* * *

Author's Note: I know this ending is a bit confusing, but you'll see in the next chapter why Meredith's all like this. I am sick and I don't think I have enough energy to write the conversation between Meredith and Derek have between him telling her he loved her at the beginning of the chapter and what happens at the end of this chapter (which I KNOW will be SO draining). I am thinking the next one will be up by Wednesday I PROMISE! Especially since I didn't follow through on the weekend update promise. I'm alive now so I can update more. No more cold. WOOT!

**Greyaddict: **Thanks so much for the review. I am glad you like what I am doing with Burke and Cristina. I can't wait to see what she says to him either!

**Lightning Lindy: **I think everyone is making me laugh with the reviews today. You sound EXACTLY like me with one of my "American sisters" who is living with me with a family…I was ranting yesterday to the other sister and today to my friends about how much I HATE HER because she uses all the toilet paper for no reason, seriously, I don't know how she can go through 1/3 a roll in less than 5 hours! And doesn't flush! UGH! But yeah you sound like me and that made me smile SO much. I think Derek should decide whether he's going to be McDreamy or Mr. Shepard. Honestly, he's just overdone the I am going to have my cake and eat it to. He made a decision to pick one but he's still on the fence even though he PICKED! GRR well at least in my story he will pick and that's happening starting in this chapter and more in the next. When reality sets in, in the story, is when stuff is going to hit the fan and he's actually going to have to face really making the decision. P.S. LOVED your review! Awesomeness!

**Minorcadence: **Things that make you deserving of ten points, "have fun in el spanio land." Lord that made me laugh! I am definitely having fun. Bilingual fun, and with a lot of hand gestures, but it's definitely fun, thanks! So you deserve ten points for that and ten points for the "nooice" as well. That just made my day. What also made my day (you just made like a weeks worth of amazing days for me) was that you like the Cristina Burke ness. I always am afraid I go over the top and make them too couply and not realistic but I figured you would tell me if that were true. Thanks so much for the review!

**D0RKY GiiiRL: **YAY I am so glad you liked this chapter (well that chapter since this one is 9 and that one was 8, I am just confusing myself)! I seriously look forward to seeing what you think about the chapter every time I update. It's definitely a highlight, for serious (I haven't said for serious in such a long time, you rock for getting me to say it!). So thanks so much.

**luv24+Alias: **Thanks for the review! More is here and it's kinda soon. More to come waaay soon as well. That I can promise. It's going to be a doozy, that again I can promise, cuz I have that power to you know, make the story go where I want it to (I was watching Alex and Emma the other night and I like the idea that Alex knows the characters, but doesn't know where they'll take him…if you haven't seen the movie, you'll just think I'm weird)…

**Flying-pink-llamas-attack: **thanks so much for the review. I am glad that I am back on your good side. Let's hope it stays that way after this chapter ducks to avoid anything that might be flying at my head. You rock at reviewing. I mean no one ever has to yet you reviewed for old chapters just because you are nice and that's so incredibly awesome. I need to broaden my horizon of compliments. People are either nice, awesome, amazing…or I think that's it. lord and I thought I could write…J


	10. Letting Go

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Ten: Letting Go**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and has stuff from the newer episodes…not much but some littlish things. As I am writing this, I haven't seen the second half of the super bowl episode. It's slowly killing me, worse than the cold that I just got over. But I hope by the time I post this chapter, I will have seen the episode, unless I go all crazy like and post this tomorrow (Tuesday), but who knows? Crazy people who want to see the show, like me, might write loads of chapters in anticipation. **And** **here's the me who has seen the episode. Maybe I shouldn't be writing what Derek is saying to Meredith after having seen the episode because I could never write a scene the way that end scene happened. Good lord I am getting stage fright…and too emotional over that episode where emotions were ALL OVER the map, to write. Ahh where's my journal?**

Author's Note: You people are amazing. The show is totally amazing as well. Spain, while it's awesome, don't get me wrong, I love it here, it is not so much my friend right now since I am having loads of problems cashing travelers checks. Damn Spanish Bancos!

Artist: Sozzi

* * *

After Meredith cried as much as she could she sat there staring at the wall in front of her bed while Cristina sat next to her, staring at the same spot on the wall. Neither knew what to do. Cristina wanted to comfort her, but she didn't know what to do. _I don't like touching people, even my friends, hell, even my boyfriend. What do I do? I know she needs something but what?_ Cristina tentatively put her hand on Mere's shoulder and rubbed it. Then she pulled Meredith in for a side hug, they sat there, Meredith's head on Cristina's shoulder, neither saying anything, just sitting and taking everything in. After about 5 minutes, Cristina couldn't continue sitting there in silence so she tried to break it.

"So, I am ready to be entertained!" _Crap! Usually smart things come out when I open my mouth. What the hell was that?_

Meredith started laughing with the hoarse voice she gets when she is overemotional. Luckily the laugh did not turn into a hysterical one, and Meredith answered, "What? This isn't entertaining?"

Cristina couldn't help but join in laughing. She was expecting for Meredith to start crying again at any moment but that moment never came. "So, do you want to talk about what he said?"

Meredith stopped laughing abruptly. "I need to talk about it. I know right now I am in major shock. I don't know what to do. Is it real? Am I living this life?"

Cristina winced and said, "Well I can't tell you if it's real or not, unless you tell me what happened."

Meredith took a big deep breath but before she could start, Izzie burst through the door and said, "Hey guys. I was really worried about you both since you were so quiet for such a long time. Is everything ok?" When Meredith nodded, Cristina gave Izzie a 'Not so sure' look and Izzie replied, "Good, well I brought you both something completely necessary." She went back outside the door and came back in with a large tray. The tray had three large glasses of milk and a huge plate of brownies. "They are still warm. Eat." She sat down on the edge of the bed. When both Cristina and Meredith had taken huge bites of brownie, Izzie told Meredith, "Now that you have sustenance, you need to tell Cristina what you told me, then continue on from there. I take it he called?" When Meredith nodded Izzie continued, "Good, so eat then tell," and she sat back on the bed, waiting for the action to begin.

Meredith cleared her throat and turned to Cristina. "Well he did call me while I was at the hospital," when Cristina went to interrupt Meredith put up her hand and said, "Yeah he called _again_ after I talked to you. He called me while I was talking to Addison. ADDISON. Do you know what she wanted to ask me? If I had talked to her husband since he left the day before. Yeah he was STILL on the PHONE with me. So I told her the truth, that he called me, to talk about a patient. Well I sort of told the truth. I told her that I talked to him today, about a patient, whatever she wants to take from that is up to her. Then I am talking to him, yelling at him for calling me and not his wife. I know I _know_, why do I do this to myself. I should be thinking of me and not her. What I am thinking about is what would make him the happiest and since he's with his wife…damnit I don't know! I told him that he shouldn't call his ex-girlfriend when his wife was worried about him. His wife shouldn't have to ask said ex-girlfriend if she's heard from him. That's lower than low. I feel bad for Addison because of that. Oh the kicker is: he tells me that he doesn't want me to drive and talk on the phone because he's worried about me, because he's in LOVE with me." She paused and took another deep breath. "Did he ever say that when we were dating? NO. Granted, neither did I but I did say it before he went back to his wife. But now he's with her and tells me he's in love with me. Can I just beat his ASS?"

"What?" Both Cristina and Izzie exclaim at the exact same time. They look at one another and start giggling. Izzie hands Mere another brownie to cover up her laughter.

Meredith give them a mean look. "What? You don't think I could?"

Cristina gives Izzie the ok to explain, "I don't have any doubt that you could take him but I don't think we have ever heard you say something so, so…crass and Cristina-like before."

"Hey! I resent that. I do not talk like that. Much." When both Meredith and Izzie laughed Cristina harrumphed. "So can you continue with your story, or do you want my input now?"

"No no. Be quiet," Izzie said to Cristina. "I want to hear what the next conversation was about."

"Actually that's true I want to hear why you were bawling on my shoulder for the last oh long time."

Izzie turned to Meredith, "You were crying? That hardcore? You need another brownie." And she shoved another brownie in Mere's direction.

"Stop eating! I want to hear what happened!" Cristina whined.

With a mouth full of brownie Mere replied, "Both of you STOP it. Are you my mother?" she said to Izzie, when she turned to Cristina she asked, "Now are you 5? Chill out and let me tell you my story in my time ok? But thanks for the brownie and the support."

"Oh you are definitely never allowed to say 'beat his ass' again because you just apologized to us for telling us like it is. Mere, you need to grow a pair or put yours to use. You know that they shrink if you don't use them?" Cristina laughed.

"Fine. You don't have to hear my story. Out of my bed!"

Cristina laughed harder, "So is this how you get men to leave your bed?"

"I don't like you very much right now," Meredith laughed. "In fact, you should be nice to me. I just cried on you. You need to be supportive. Do you know what that means?"

Cristina pretended to think about the word, "Actually you should be nice to ME. YOU just cried on ME for the past hour or so. I deserve sympathy. I don't do touching."

"I am not even going to begin trying to be the ref here. Mere just continue your story."

* * *

A few hours before, Meredith was sitting on her bed, waiting for the phone call. Izzie had just left her room and Mere didn't know what to do with herself to occupy time. _He's_ _going to call. I don't know when but he wants to talk to me. I mean really talk. He has already called me twice today…what is he going to say? I don't know if I can handle anymore emotional outbursts, honestly. I really want to believe that I enjoyed my life before I met him. I was going along fine, not unhappy with my life, but not altogether thrilled to be living it. Granted, who really wants to be in med school? That's not fun, it's the years after school that are the fun ones. Learning how to be surgeons…but that is unimportant in my love life. So I picked him up just like most men I pick up, for a random hook-up. I am not going to lie when I say I thought there was something different about him, other than the fact that he was probably one of the better looking guys and had a great personality, but other than that, my heart didn't cry out to me 'this is the one, don't let him go.' But after we got back to the house, he distinguished himself from the rest. Hands down one of the best I've ever had. _Meredith smiled at the thought. _We were great together there, and everywhere else we tried, for that matter. But as important as that is, it's not the most important thing, I've tried to make it the most important thing and it's definitely not. Before him, I didn't know what I was missing and I was fine. After him, I realize what I could have and how happy I could be, and I don't know if I can ever get that kind of happiness back. _

_He got to me. It's as simple as that. Telling me that I have tiny ineffectual fists that I know completely shocked Alex out of whatever sexist comment he was making. Not taking my half-hearted no's, no matter how many times I tried to tell him that I wasn't half-hearted…he pushed me. He still pushes me. To be better, to take what I want, to fight for what I want, and to search for the truth in life and work. As much as people said our relationship affected work, it definitely does not as much as Cristina and Burke's…Derek has always treated me preferentially, but has never come to my beck and call…I shouldn't do this. I should not and do not need to compare the relationships, for all our faults and good points, Derek and I are not together while Cristina and Burke are, not that I am jealous, because I am not necessarily, I just want him, I know no one else will suffice. Since I have had him literally and as the boyfriend, emotional significant other, I know what it's like and I know what I am missing. As cheesy as this sounds, well these are my thoughts, no one else will hear them so I can be cheesy, I know what all those people who I thought were pathetic were talking about. I mean those sappy love songs and poems. They talk about this perfect thing of love and I thought, that's crap, depending on someone else, you are bound to get hurt, and I did, but not because he was a crappy guy, but because he was him and wonderful McDreamy, who had to do the right thing. It made it hurt just a tiny bit less to know that he acted within his character by going back to his wife and trying to make it work. But where does that leave me? Here on my bed, trying to remember the last time we kissed, waiting for him to…_ the phone rang. _What are the odds? Now if that didn't signal something, then someone up there is just playing with my head. I have enough people doing that, thank you very much!_

"Ok, here we go… Hello?" Meredith answered the phone. She didn't want to look at the caller id. Her heart was already racing too much to handle looking at his number, or for that matter, anyone else's number. Disappointment would be horrid if it wasn't Derek on the other end of the line.

Luckily for her, disappointment wasn't in the cards for her that day. "Hey Mere. Are you home safe and sound?" Derek asked in hushed tones. His voice sounded so melodic to her. _It sounds so smooth and warm, like silk or chocolate, enveloping and comforting me all at once. Good lord I am a doctor not a hokey poet. Get over yourself Meredith!_

"I'm home. Alive, check. Sound, well, we never did know if that were true or not."

"Hey I always vouched for your sanity, I mean you picked me right?"

"Picked you? More like you followed me home because I was nice to you." She liked this bantering and fun Derek. For so long he had been sad and moody. Now he sounded like he was smiling.

"Even if I was the sad puppy you make me out to be, _you_ let me in the house and fed me. Therefore, you chose me."

Meredith laughed, her nerves easing a bit. "More like took pity on you."

"You aren't even going to give me an inch are you?"

"Never, you have to earn it."

Derek smiled into the phone, "That's what I've always liked about you, you never back down from any fight, you don't give anyone anything unless they deserve it." His voice took a more serious note, "Another reason why I don't ever deserve to talk to you again because you gave me your love and I…"

"Hey is this me calling you? You're doing the puppy thing, calling and calling until I just give up and finally talk to you," Meredith said, trying to lighten the conversation.

"That's true, I would keep calling. Always had to prove to myself that I was worthy of you, actually I had to prove that to you as well." He laughed, "You are work you know that. Getting you to notice me, then convincing you to let me buy you a drink, and finally trying to date you even though we both knew it was one of those wrong time wrong place things, but definitely right." _Hey,_ _that's_ _right, I did make him work extra hard to buy me a drink. I don't think I have ever played that hard to get. _Mere smiled at the memory.

"Hey, I _am_ worth it," she laughed.

_More than you will ever know. You don't even know what I gave up to try and be noble…_ "Completely worth it, worth more than you will ever know. That's why I am so in awe of you. You are this life force that I have to have in _my_ life as many moments as I can. You are just…incredible and I don't deserve for you to answer the phone and let me talk to you, especially after the way I have treated you…" he paused, but Meredith sensed that he was going to continue, and she was right. She could always read him well. "I really was going to tell you that night about her, the night she showed up. It made me really nervous when you kept getting all those secret phone calls so I waited a little longer and when you told me about your mother, I felt like a heel. I wanted to tell you right then, at the nurses' station where you told me about your mom but I wanted it to be private. I shouldn't lie, I wanted to tell you at the trailer so you couldn't easily get away from me so I could tell you the whole truth. For that alone I don't deserve to talk to you. You deserve the truth, hell you demand it. I wanted to give it to you, I really did, but I was so afraid. Afraid to be hurt again, afraid that I would be hurt worse than before… And when you came to the trailer so I could tell you my side of things after Addison told you why I left. …and I explained what you are to me… a breath of fresh air, something to help me from drowning, something I needed and still really need in my life and you told me that wasn't enough and left. …I don't think I have ever felt that much pain, physical and emotional in my life… Seriously …but I don't think I am being clear." He paused and took another deep breath to strengthen his resolve to continue.

Meredith took this pause as an opportunity to talk, "Honestly, if I could take back one time…"

He interrupted her, "Remember when you rant at me, you expect me to try to interrupt but then bulldoze me over? Well I am trying to make an emotional revelation here and I expect the same. Don't interrupt me."

Meredith was taken aback by that statement because he had never before been so forceful with her, in such a way, he was usually much more roundabout when he was trying to get his way. "Continue."

"Thanks, ok. I became a doctor so I didn't have to deal with my emotions, let alone explaining them. So this might be disjointed and confusing, bear with me. I was afraid to tell you about her because I knew it would change things between us. I didn't mean to lie to you. Honestly when we first met at Joe's all I was thinking about was talking this pretty lady into bed. I am not going to be _that guy_ and say that from the moment I saw you I just knew… because I honestly didn't. To be completely honest, I didn't really even know myself. I had only been in Seattle for what, a day or so at the most. I had been driving cross-country trying to get as physically far away from New York as I could. It wasn't just Addison I was getting away from, I was trying to run away from the life I had been building myself since day one. I wanted to venture off on my own without any safety net and find my way back to who I really am. I wanted to get away from my parents and my gaggle of sisters because every single one of them was so happy in their lives and couldn't even begin to understand what I was going through. I also didn't want them to have to see me like that. Again, it wasn't just Addison that drove me away. She was a very large part of the reason, but not all of it." He moved the phone from one ear to the other. "Remember when we had that first surgery and you were so excited, actually we just talked about that, the whole high feeling after completing or even being in the same room as a successful surgery? Well somewhere along the line, I lost that euphoria. It was before Addison cheated on me. I just became complacent in every aspect of my life. I stopped loving her, stopped enjoying my job, and having any fun. I don't know why. All I knew is that I wanted to do whatever I could to enjoy life again. So I left everything I knew to venture to the other side of the country where I knew only Richard. I seriously debated finding another hospital to work at because even one person from my past way too much. But he needed me. It had been so long since I felt needed. I know you are probably thinking, 'he does surgeries everyday on people that need him,' but in New York, they can get a dozen people to fill my place. Here I am somewhat of a commodity. I needed to be depended upon.

So that's why I came here. Just driving across the country with only myself to keep me company is enough to drive a normal person crazy and I was already battling my demons, so I learned a lot about who I had become and didn't like it one bit. The drive and move to Seattle were selfish, both of them, I know that, I always have. That was the point. I couldn't remember the last time I had ever done anything _I _wanted to do. Actually, I couldn't remember, if I had a choice to do as I chose, what I would choose to do. That's just sad. I know that. So I get here, with no place to live, I actually bought my property here sight unseen, and all of my stuff piled in the back of my Jeep…what do I do? Go to a bar right next door to the hospital. Why? Because I knew that the only place I was going to get to know in Seattle for a while was the hospital. Then I meet this amazing woman who swept me off my feet. She also took advantage of me. I bet you didn't know that part of the story. She did indeed. Boy do I love being taken advantage of by this one. She's smart and funny. Lord, you should not let me get started about this one. She made me smile. She actually made me do a lot of things that first night I met her, no and not necessarily in a sexual way, I can see your face." Meredith looked at the phone and then around her room, confused. "I didn't mean I was actually in the room with you, silly. I meant that I know you and can read you. I know how you are going to react to certain things. It's really nice to be able to read you but at the same time it really hurts because I'll think about you at times when I really shouldn't. I think about how you would react to certain things when honestly, I shouldn't be thinking about you at all. You are so distracting, even when you aren't there with me."

Meredith spoke up, "I know exactly what you mean." She closed her eyes to bring up a memory and smiled at the thought. "Yesterday morning for example, I could just _see_ your reaction. I was eating cold pizza and I just remember you asking me about breakfast one morning at the hospital. And then when you would stay over at the house…all the time because you obviously liked my bed much better than yours, and you had your muesli cereal. You would never make me eat a healthy breakfast, but those encouraging looks to eat better, not to forget those tsk noises you made when I would eat a brownie for breakfast. I mean it was just a little dorky moment but I have so many of those and they are nice to know that I can know someone so well that you don't even have to be somewhere and I would know your reaction." _He's_ _sharing so much. So much more than I ever expected him to and it's almost daunting because I don't know what this means. Why is he telling me all of this? Well, there is only one way to find out, ask. _"Derek? Why are you telling me all of this?" Meredith made a wincing face, unsure if she should have asked that or not.

"You are entitled to ask that. Don't worry about it. I'll answer you, it just might take some time. I have to get there first. I have been preparing for this talk for a while, and a better part of today." _That doesn't freak me out at all, thanks McDreamy, you aren't scaring me at all about the outcome of this little talk you have planned._

Trying to inject more playfulness into the conversation she said, "Well now you have piqued my curiosity, I am just dying to find out what you want to tell me. Or we can just have phone sex. Is that cheating?"

Derek, who had been thinking about how he was going to say what he was about to say stopped, half hearing her and catching the words phone sex, laughed. "Phone sex is a maybe, just not right now ok?" _What?_ _Who is he? He isn't allowed to play like that. That is against the rules. _"Wanna continue?" When she murmured yes, he took a deep breath and started up again. "So I was talking about this great woman I met before I got sidetracked…she made me enjoy life again. She brought me back, not as a savior type because that would make for an unhealthy relationship, but her presence in my life made me open my eyes and see that it wasn't life that was not working for me, I was working against everything. _I_ wanted to be miserable. I wanted to walk around moping all the time just because my life wasn't perfect, and that's partially my fault. I lost the fun and she brought it back to me with her laughing eyes, strong will, and really limber body. _What?_ You wanted me to be truthful. The body was a major perk. Not absolutely necessary, but the whipped cream and cherry on top of the sundae. Oh whipped cream brings back memories huh? Wait! We should NOT get into that right now. It's time to be serious." He said as Meredith quietly laughed on the other end. "She was a challenge, hell, she still is a challenge to this day. She would never give me anything, I always had to work for it. For her attention, for a date, not so much for sex but if I was being an ass then I did have to work for that too. She quickly got under my skin, her scent always around me even when she wasn't there. She never let me be in control, we had to share it, be equal partners, and that's something I had never experienced wanting to be with another person. I had always been the "head surgeon type" in the relationship, taking control…she wouldn't let me. She also inspired me. I wanted her to be the first person I shared anything with, whether it be good or bad. Now she's not perfect, which makes her so much better in my eyes. She has faults but none of them detract from who I love, they just make her more interesting and complex. I wanted to open up, when I had been closed off to everyone for so long, I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about her that makes me want to open up…it just must be the amazingness that is she.

Another thing I can't pinpoint was when I fell in love with her. I can remember realizing that I did love her, that was when I brought her to the trailer the first time and really opened up. Not that she had been pushing me to share stuff about myself with her or anything. She had let me be, not asking questions for a while and then when we were at a serious point in the relationship, she justly wanted to know stuff about me. When we got out of the Jeep and I showed her the trailer and told her all that land was mine, that smile is something I will never forget. She was proud of me and happy that I had finally shared this simple part of my life with her. That's when I realized I was so in love with this woman. Of course I didn't want to scare her by telling her, but it changed me. It healed me more. But seeing her that first time on my land, I could picture her living there for the rest of our lives playing with our dogs and children out there. I saw it all and instead of scaring me witless, it calmed me. I knew then that she was _the_ _one. _I shouldn't have let anything get in the way of that, but my past caught up with me and I got confused. I made the wrong decision. Life got blurry and I felt I needed to go back to at least attempt to right my wrongs. But it's clear now. You are clear now. Mere, it's over with Addison."

Meredith was silent for a moment. _What is he telling me? I just I…confused. I am happy, but sad, and hurt, but I want to jump around and cry at the same time. What's going on?_ She started breathing heavier. "Have you…have you told her?"

"I wanted to talk to you first. I wanted to tell you why I did what I did and all my reasons behind everything. But really I had a hard time deciding when I had to choose, but when the pressure wasn't on, I knew there was only one decision to make, and that was to be with you." He sighed. "But that doesn't mean any of this will be easy. I need time to do this right. I can't just dump her and run to you. That's not fair to any of us. You have been hurt all these months and need time, I bet. I also want time to get to really get to know this woman I love before we jump into this epic relationship I know we will have. Can you give that to me? You have all the rights in the world to say no. But I also don't need your answer now, you probably have a lot going on in your head so I am going to go and I'll give you a call tomorrow ok?"

Meredith sounded far away when she said, "Ok, that works."

"I miss you. And I'll talk to you later. Bye bye." And Derek hung up, not waiting for Meredith to say she missed him too, he didn't want to expect it, that wasn't fair of him and he knew that. Luckily, so did she.

After she hung up the phone she laid back down on her bed and rolled onto her side. She stared out the window, where the rain was slowly hitting the pane. _What am I going to do?_

* * *

"So he's going to dump her?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well I have a question, if he said all that great stuff like he loves you and is going to end it with Addison, then why were you bawling when Cristina got in the room?" Izzie asked.

"Yeah, I don't get it either."

"Think about all the emotions that have been going on inside of me during these past months with him and Addison back together, especially after I realized I was in love with him. Yeah and then to hear him say that it was over and he is ending his marriage with her to, in time, to be with me, it's really a lot to take. The crying jag was more of cathartic experience for everything I have been living with for as long as Addison has been here. I don't know if I had ever really cried over him and losing him. This was a really delayed reaction. I wouldn't let myself show weakness to myself by crying, but when I am in the clear, I bawl like a teenager losing her first boyfriend."

"Couldn't you have written me a note or something to warn me because I was preparing all these scathing McDreamy comments. Now I have all this pent up bitch energy and I don't know where to put it. DAMNIT!" Cristina yelled.

"Why did you let her in the house? She's obviously crazy. But thanks Cristina and you too Izzie for being there for me, and for being here for me now and when all this shit is going to hit the large large fan." She grabbed both of their hands. "You two are great friends."

"Nice moment, can we go look at what I brought you to cheer you up? It's downstairs and GLORIOUS…well not just 'it,' they are amazing." Cristina led a confused Izzie and Meredith downstairs to her array of magazines. SHOE magazines. George could hear squeals of delight as he got out of the car in the driveway. _Oh crap, have they gotten into the alcohol already? It's going to be a LONG night, _he thought as he walked up the stairs to the front door.

* * *

Author's Note: I am absolutely dying to read what y'all think of this chapter…it's my most emotionally challenging and risky to date. So I am REALLY nervous about what you think about it. Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter. I know I confused you all but I hope this one made the last one make more sense.

**Minorcadence: ** you said LOO! I need to call my friends in Scotland so they can infuse me with all the fun words that I am going to forget being in a land where they don't speak English! And fantasmic with the explanation was grand. I thoroughly enjoyed that. I mentioned the shoes here too! I was almost going to leave it at the end of the talk where he said it was over with Addie, but I decided the girls needed to react too. And to also explain the confusion from last chapter. I hope it all makes sense. I am SO waiting impatiently to read what you think of this one because you are honest and great. Yay for you!

**D0RKY GiiiRL: **AHH you are amazing. World rocking even! Dorky ducks are yeah me. Not going to lie. Spain is great now that the cold is gone. There is this one cute guy who works at starbucks. I KNOW! It's American, SB at least, not him, and I shouldn't go there but it's right next to the university and he's so so good looking. Now I just need to get money to be able to go and spend it. And not go in right after I have run and look not so dewy but more gross…cuz that'll attract him. The men here, much cuter than the ones I went to school with in Scotland. You should try spain sometime, it's quite nice, especially if you are blonde. You get much more attention, it's sometimes nice, but other times not. I digress, you are totally the most amazing person for reviewing and liking ducks and dorks and yeah.

**luv24+Alias: **thanks so much! Is this soon enough for you? What do you think of this one? You rock for always reviewing. There is a plaque somewhere with your name on it for being the greatest person ever! Yep, just for reviewing, you are the greatest person ever.

**Flying-pink-llamas-attack: **love love LOVE the screen name. it is SO unique that you stand out completely. I like it A LOT. Thanks for reviewing again. 3rd time! That is MAJORLY HARDCORE and awesome at the same time. I really need to think up better words than hardcore and awesome…they are even getting tired to me! I will be watching it 3-4 times with other Americans here in spain who I have gotten re-hooked onto the show. My emotions aren't ready to handle another dose of that episode quite yet. Thanks for having faith in me even if I am confusing at times and I really can't wait to read what you think of this new one.

**Trunina: **Thank you SO much for reviewing. I am SO SO very glad you like the story and the last chapter. I really hope you like this one too. It's a stretch for me writing but I hope you like it. please tell me what you think, and I am really glad you did tell me what you thought about the previous chapter. You are a 10!

**Lightning Lindy: **makes a wincing face did you want him to choose Addie? Cuz if you did, don't hate me. I just couldn't. I like her, but after this most recent episode…NOBODY PUTS GEORGIE IN THE CORNER! Or talks to him like that. She needs a slap across the face! But you are TOTALLY LOVED, all the way from Spain. Look at that. Lots of time zones! WOOT! My dad was saying he can tell people his kids span 9 times zones, and I told him yeah that's because _I _am 6 of those 9 puffs out chest (not that that really matters or anything, I am just weird). He just need to pick on the show man. I mean Derek. Cuz he still hasn't even though in practice he has. Emotionally, that man/character is on the fence. Thanks for the review!

**PatEllen: **You are a doll for reviewing. I really just wanted to call someone a doll, it had been a while. I know the ending was confusing but I really hope this made sense. And I really hope you liked this chapter too. I am REALLY nervous about that. It was a hard chapter to write, let me tell you. Thanks so so much for reviewing so regularly it's great. You are great. And a doll. Man you get all the new words of praise I wanted to use to expand the vocabulary from AMAZING and hardcore. So you rock. Crap there I go again. Thanks!


	11. Pretty Baby

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Eleven: Pretty Baby**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and has stuff from the newer episodes…not much but some littlish things. Definitely not going to use major plot lines. And sorry guys, no Cristina Ricci or naked linen closet sex.

Author's Note: And I am just definitely having difficulties trying to make Derek and Addison be no more without being trite or just annoying. AHH I am getting FRUSTRATED! Thus I haven't updated in like a week and since I have been really frustrated, I haven't updated in more than a week. I equals very sorry. Don't hate me! I am in a foreign country where Grey's is not played on tv. Don't you think I am in enough pain as it is?

Artist: Vanessa Carlton

* * *

George opened the door to Izzie dancing around the foyer saying, "Oh, aren't you pretty babies. Would you like me to give you a good home. Hey Cristina, I get to get online next because I want these next week." Izzie stopped dancing to think aloud. "Crap, what am I going to wear tonight? Now I am all shoe-shy because mine aren't as pretty as all the ones I am about to buy. Now I don't know if I wanna go out." She turned and saw George, "AHHHH!" She screamed. The other two screamed "What?" in response as they ran out into the hallway. When Izzie finally caught her breath she said, "Holy CRAP George! Don't sneak up on a girl like that. I could have, I don't know, killed you or something." At that response, everyone turned and tried not to laugh because it was absurd to believe that Izzie could hurt anyone intentionally.

Trying to sound contrite, George said, "I am sorry Izzie, next time, I just will wear a bell or something."

Cristina just couldn't deal with sparing someone's emotions on something so trivial, and had excess energy to still spend said, "Yeah Izzie, like you could ever do that. Show me your moves. And George, that was too easy for me to even touch. You, wearing a dog collar, with a bell on it. LORD!"

Izzie looked at the three other interns, her friends and said, "You don't think I can protect myself, you don't THINK I can intentionally hurt someone? All of you think this or just Cristina?"

George and Meredith looked at their roommate beginning to get angry and said, "No, Izzie, we think that if the event ever were to arise, you would defend yourself, right George?"

George nodded. "I feared for my life."

Izzie looked at them in disbelief and Mere hit George on the head saying, "You moron. You just had to take it too far. Good going. Look at her, she's getting angry. Not my fault."

"You wanna see me defend myself George? Do you WANT to see me hurt someone?"

"As long as it's not me, sure," Cristina quipped. George had nowhere to go and just stood in the hall while an angry Izzie kept coming closer to him. Cristina and Meredith moved quietly back into the living room, shoe catalogues forgotten while they watched Izzie get almost as angry as they had ever seen her.

"So you guys know, I was a model right? Yeah they taught us some stuff to protect ourselves. It was fun, punching and kicking a person in a foam suit. I really enjoyed it. Also upped my calorie intake for the day since I was working out. Got to eat…I like to eat. So you really want to see this? It's going to be fun. I have a LOT of aggression built up over the whole not having sex while EVERYONE ELSE in the damn hospital is getting some." Izzie hopped around a bit like she was trying to imitate Muhammad Ali. She succeeded in looking crazy, not like some serious ass-kicker. She also tried to do the nose flick/brush with her thumb that boxers always do when they are siking themselves up for the fight, but almost succeeded in taking her eye out because she was hopping around. She got really close to George who had already had a not so good day and was in the mood to sulk. But Izzie looked so crazy trying to get the nerve to beat him up that he smiled. Of course he had to quickly hide the smile or else he would have angered Izzie even more so instead he decided to play along. All of a sudden he dropped his bag, which caused Izzie to jump back.

"It's ON now," George said as he rolled up his sleeves.

Cristina giggled and said, "Where is the damn popcorn. This is even better than a movie! I don't think I even need alcohol to enjoy this! Instead of missing any of the potential action, Cristina and Meredith both sat down on the floor.

George just stood in front of Izzie, not sure what to do. He wasn't going to hit her or anything. He was just merely going to protect himself from her attacks. Nothing was happening so he started to get bored with all her hopping around when she kicked him! Really KICKED him, right in the stomach, and George felt the kick all throughout his torso, their audience oohhed and ahhhed. Before George was ready, Izzie was coming after him with a kick-side arm/elbow combination, but luckily his reflexes were in self-preservation mode and he caught her foot before it made contact with his stomach again. Izzie's reflexes were not nearly as good as George's and she was already trying to complete her routine by elbowing him but since she wasn't balanced, she fell into George. They ended their fight in a fankle of arms and legs on the floor. Cristina and Mere were laughing so hard that they too fell into a heap together. Izzie was still raring for a fight so she started to wrestle with George, who just wanted to be done with this game. He had landed hard on the wood floor, with both of their weights on him. Then again, he was competitive, he didn't want to lose and he didn't want to look like a weakling. So he wrestled without really wrestling. Each of them was trying to get the upper hand, literally as well as figuratively because both were trying to get on top of the other.

George could barely hear Cristina when she said, "Man, is it getting hot in here? Lord I might need to cool off before I go home or else, woah! That was hot. Is it wrong that I am watching this and enjoying?" But had to start concentrating when Meredith responded because Izzie was getting the upper hand.

Meredith responded saying, "Picture this but with no clothes on, that's lord, so hot. And I need a man, _the_ man. That's what we look like I think. If Izzie is as sore as I used to be in the morning then yeah, that was…don't need to think about sex right now. Am I making any sense?"

"Not so much. But this is muddling my brain too. I need a fan. Should I turn on the AC or something?"

"Are you serious? It's winter and Seattle." They both turn their heads to the right side. "Did she just do that? I wanna learn how to do that. It's been a goal in life.

Izzie and George had been rolling around on the floor for about 10 minutes, neither letting the other win. George could have easily won but he was a, having fun and b, didn't want Izzie to feel like she wasn't aggressive enough. Both were breathing very hard and moving more sluggish with each move to win. As quickly as they had started to rumble, the two interns stopped wrestling and rested their heads on whatever body part of their opponent that was available. It was a draw, and both interns realized that they were quite out of shape if just a little wrestling made them exhausted.

"Ok Izzie, I never want to meet you in a dark alley. You are bad-assed. Never again will I question your abilities to beat someone up," George said while Mere and Cristina both murmured in agreement. He turned and looked at Mere and Cristina leaning against one another on the floor of the living room. "Did you already break open the alcohol?" When they told him no he asked, "Then why are you all leaning on one another like that. You look like you are about to pass out."

"Yeah well watching you two was an…experience. Now I can open me some alcohol. Izzie you have to go get ready so we can critique your outfits." Izzie barely got up, with George's pushing, and went up to her room.

"Can I go home yet? I want to get some after that."

"You can always get some, it's time to spend with your friend who NEEDS you."

"Yes, but I NEED to get some. I am frustrated."

From the top of the stairs Izzie yelled, "None of you. NONE OF YOU, know what frustrated is right now. I am about to go crazy. seriously. I can't take it anymore. I need some."

"Why don't you just by a friend to help you through the, umm, hump?" Cristina tried to ask with a straight face.

"Don't you think I already thought of that? Maybe I want real action instead of battery-powered fun. And besides, I might have just broken him or something."

"EW. EW. EW I live here you know. Things I don't need to know. I get your damn tampons so I don't need to hear this!"

As Cristina cracked open the vodka she said, "Is it wrong that I want to make random obscene phone calls? Or maybe watch some porn?"

"Not really. Strange but not wrong. Porn, man I haven't seen that stuff in a while." Mere said after she took her first shot. "But it's such a tease, and so geared to men. How about we do something, something exciting and different. Or we can just order pizza and hot wings, then watch whatever is on tv. I am easy."

"Not just easy, Really easy. But yeah, I could handle a chill night. Then of course we have to live vicariously through Izzie and her getting some. You know, we should have planned another party for tonight. That would have been loads of fun. Especially since I wouldn't have had to clean up. I could go home to my hot man and have hot sex."

"I hate you, you know that?"

At the same time Mere said that, George said, "I need to find friends with Y chromosomes. That would be much more healthy for my mind."

* * *

While the interns were unwinding at Mere's house, Burke was on his way back to the apartment after running some errands. He knew that Cristina would be out for a while with Meredith and he wanted to do something nice for his girlfriend. They hadn't gotten to the point where they had said those three very important words, but they were definitely on the tip of his tongue every time he saw her. But he did not want to scare her away and if he said 'I love you' casually, she would go into a fit or something. _She is a bit crazy, on a good day. Everything seems fine when we go to bed or even when we get up in the morning but then she goes into Cristina world and come out just a little more crazy than when she entered it. But then again, asking her to change might be a little too pushy, _he thought as he put down his mountain of bags. Maybe he got a little carried away at the store but he just wanted to make a big gesture to Cristina about how he felt about her. _I really wanted to be all romantic and set up flower petals leading all the way around the apartment but she wouldn't follow them, she would definitely follow surgical equipment, but I don't think the hospital would lend me stuff to put on my floor to seduce my girlfriend. _

So Burke went into the bathroom and set up some thick candles that smelled of vanilla and cinnamon, right around the bathtub. He cleaned the entire apartment and just left little presents around. Cristina liked figuring things out, so he made up an almost treasure map for her to find stuff. The first thing she would encounter would be a take-away coffee cup from the same place where he got her that first cup of coffee all those months ago. If he planned it right, there would be hot chocolate in it because he knew how much she loved to unwind before sleep with a cup of homemade hot chocolate. Next to it would be the letter he was going to write. Then hopefully she would be in the mood to play a game and follow his hints around the apartment, which would lead her to each new present and finally to the porch where he would be waiting for her. _I want to be there and see her reaction for the letter but she likes to have a little personal time to digest before she has to face other people. I'll give her that time. What I want to say to her in the letter is pretty heavy, but maybe it'll help her open up to me by me opening up to her about some of my fears. _Then, to make the scavenger hunt a little less heavy, Burke planted fun and silly gifts all over the apartment. He got her Ipod speakers so she didn't have to dance around the apartment with her headphones on, and so, when she tried to get him to dance, he would actually be able to hear the music instead of feel like an idiot dancing to nothing. That was definitely the big present. He got her some of his most favorite smelling lotion that she ran out of and never replaced it. He also placed a box of muffins on the nightstand to show that even though he liked a cooked breakfast, he could understand that she wanted to eat on the move, so he baked a bunch of muffins for her. If she was as logical as he thought she was, she would bring the box into the kitchen. The only flaw to that theory was that she was messy and would just leave food in the bedroom. But there was also a note telling her not to be a slob and to take them into the kitchen.

Then, after a few more stops, she would be asked by her final note to open the balcony door. Luckily the balcony doors had heavy drapes so she wouldn't see him or all the candles and stuff he set up outside. When she got outside, he would gage her mood, then work his way into telling her that he loved her. It was time. Burke was petrified to tell her but he knew that he needed to get the words out. _Maybe I should tell her I am scared, that way she'll know that she's not alone. _All he knew was that he had been bursting to tell her but scared out of his mind that she would run. He wanted to make this special for her because he wanted to make sure this night was one she would ever forget, not because it was extremely romantic, but because it showed her, through his little presents that he knows her and wants to make her happy…Burke thought, _she deserves this especially since she was focusing a lot of her time and energy on the wellbeing of her friend, acting much more selfless than she would ever think she is. And she opened up to me because she wanted my help with the situation. I do not envy Meredith Grey at all. That woman is much stronger than she seems and puts up with more than anyone should. I am not going to even start with the subtle wars of women that are much too confusing. If her situation ever happened to me, I could beat the guy up and be done with it. Women have much more to deal with and have to work much harder to achieve the upper hand. As complicated as Cristina is, I am glad that she isn't so female-y complicated. She is as straightforward as any guy I know, which makes life easier, but then there is that crazy side that I have no idea what to do with. _Burke shook his head and sat down on the couch with his legal pad, getting ready to write an epic letter to Cristina. _Not allowed to say I love you in the letter…not allowed. That's the grand finale._

* * *

While Burke was trying to profess his love without actually saying the three words, Addison was sitting on the bed of the trailer. Never had she thought it to be their bed, it had always been his bed, not hers. She didn't want to think it 'theirs' because she was hopeful that they would move out of the trailer into more permanent housing. She was staring at the phone in her hands, wondering whether or not she should make the call. _I am not going to chase him all over the damn country. He never returns my calls anyway. _She had a pained look on her face. _Is it really worth it to go through this time and again? Sins are repaid in ten-fold but I think I have surpassed even that limit. I am not going to call him then. He'll call me or _come _home. That's fine. I can handle that. I think. Honestly, I just need a sign, because I need something good to happen in our relationship or else it might truly be over. I am not strong enough to take all these hits without any sort of relief, or hope. _Addison sat there and just stared out into the darkness, _is this how it started when I just needed to feel loved that I went to Mark for relief, for love? _Her thoughts were interrupted with a beep from the answering machine. She went over to it and saw that it was blinking red. Someone had just left a message while she was home. _Damn, I always forget to turn off the automatic pick-up. _She pressed the play button and heard Derek's voice fill the trailer.

"Hey Addie, I am sorry that I didn't call you earlier to let you know that I got here and am safe. I just need a few more days away from work and everyone to clear my head. I know it was a wimpy move to call you at the trailer because I know you always forget to turn the ringer back on and the answering machine off, but I still need time before I talk to you. I'll be back before the weekend. Probably just two or three days more. Thank you for not calling because I really need uninterrupted thinking time." He hung up without saying 'I miss you.' _So he doesn't miss me? Or did he just forget? He sounded distracted. What is going on up in his head. _She went back to the bed and collapsed on top of the covers. _My life is not going anywhere near as well as I planned. What am I going to do to change that? What can I do to make me happy?_ She closed her eyes, but before she could fall asleep, her phone rang.

* * *

Author's Note: My new obsession is Gavin DeGraw. Seriously, his music is like Jack Johnson's is to my bestest friends to me. I'm not being confusing with the analogyness am I? Oh and I am thinking of winding down. I don't know if I can draw out the Meredith Derek thing to resolve Izzie and Cristina…or I can just focus on their stories and have cute little Mere/Der anecdotes. What do you all think? And by winding down I am thinking maybe 2-4 more chapters. But I need your help, not in the way that screams REVIEW ME with a stereo over my head (had to try to throw that in COME ON!), but I truly extremely value what you all think, especially those who have held my hand through starting to write this in Scotland… and let me have my Christmas in the states then nudged me to start up again when I got to here, Spain. I value what you all think so highly, you have NO idea.

**kcapflow87: **I am so happy that you have found this story and that you like it! Ten points for you! I am sorry that this update is a bit late but I will get the next one up much sooner, I PROMISE!

**Sarah Ellens: ** thanks so much. Amazing! Woah I don't know if I would go that far. But seriously you have MADE MY MONTH with your review. I was really worried that I took too many liberties with Derek but I trust your judgment if you say that I basically stayed in character. YOU are fantastic.

**Rachaelberkey: ** thanks SO SO much. I am so very glad you liked the chapter. It means so much to me because I was and am worried about all the chances I took by really taking the character and making him my own. Sorry that my update isn't too soon, but I am planning on getting the other chapter up within a week so that's not too long. I hope you like the chapter, it's a bit of random fun.

**blond1w/smelborp: ** I enjoy the username, very interesting. Cristina makes me laugh every episode, without fail. She is crazy fun to watch and to write. I can't wait to write the next chapter and see what she's going to do. Thanks for the review!

**Sara raiderfreak1991: **thanks SO much for the review. I want them to get together too! More so in the show than in this story because I do have executive control in the story…so they will. It just might take some time since men are slow and Derek doesn't want to hurt Addie too unnecessarily much.

**jessica yannon: **muchas gracias. Thanks for the review. I am glad you liked it!

**BANG415: **thanks so much. That was probably one of my favorite parts to ease the tension and make it not such a deep chapter. Leave it to Cristina to not want to be all emotional! Her character is just so much fun to play with! I love it. thanks so very incredibly much for the review. You rock.

**D0RKY GiiiRL: **I am world-rocking! That's SUCH A COOL PHRASE, or a cool way of putting it without having the connotations of being sexual. You are smart…Just saw Starbucks guy today and I asked him for a cup of ice and he gave me water. I think he thought I was being a dumb American and not knowing Spanish vocab…so I don't think I like him anymore. Am I shallow or what? Good lord! There will be boys underneath your nose that you don't even see as cute until BANG they totally are. Oh and travel, it's a command. Thanks for the MARVELLOUS review, dahling.

**Flying-pink-llamas-attack:** What, you don't like long chapters? I can do them short, that's fine. Less for me to write J. Naw, I'll write till it's a good breaking point…I have been studying abroad this entire year. So yeah, it's been a literal trip. And my laptop is definitely worse for wear but it's alive and kicking, letting me know when it's mad, which is a lot. YAY FOR YOU! Getting a story up is great great greatly amazing. You rock. And when I have internet that I don't have to be on and off in 5 minutes I will read your story (when you get a grey's one!) and review like CRAZY!

**Greyaddict: **Thank you thank you thank you so so much. I am still nervous about the chapter but I am glad you liked it. You have made my day, thanks for reassuring me SO MUCH! It is amazing.

**luv24+Alias: **I am getting there! It'll end, but I want to get into Addie a bit more before I rip the bandaide. She has to realize it's over too. She has to be all about moving on, or at least scared out of her mind to move on. GRACIAS for the review, you are a queen!

**Coldqueen: **I hope you like this chapter then. The next one will definitely be her hopping around the apartment finding all the stuff. And you will find out why he was cute and decided that that night of all nights he was going to tell her. I hope hope hope you like this chapter, I was trying to work them into the Derek/Mere stuff with Cristina going to ask Burke for help, so now it's about just them now. Thanks so much for the review.

**Jane: **thank You SO BERRY MUCH for the review. I am so so so glad you liked the chapter. Sorry the update is rather late. It's been a crazy month with school and traveling, or planning on traveling. I was really nervous about this chapter so I am INCREDIBLY happy that you liked it!

**Lightning Lindy: **YAY! I am glad that you don't hate me. I hope you liked this last episode because it was, at least in the middle part, very much going towards Addie and Derek. Not my flavor but hey, at least I am putting Addie in here as a not hated character, but seriously confused woman who doesn't know if she should stay or go. I think that's how she is in the show as well, since there are the same amount of good and bad things happening to her with that relationship, but the bad things are momentous and totally outweigh the good. So I really really want to hear if you like the way I am portraying Addie. Oh and who could be calling?


	12. Just Friends

**Grey's Anatomy**

**Why Can't Life Be Like the Movies?**

**Chapter Twelve: Just Friends**

By Ducks

Disclaimer: None of the characters from the show Grey's Anatomy are mine. Any other characters not in the show are my creations. This story takes place after episode 2x12 "Owner of a Lonely Heart" and has stuff from the newer episodes…not much but some littlish things. Definitely not going to use major plot lines. And sorry guys, no Cristina Ricci or naked linen closet sex.

Author's Note: Now, I want to be able to say now literally take off your pants, do I have those kind of cojones? I think not so much. SO HOT! I want to be Izzie sometimes. But my friends have now decided I am the female version of George, with bits of Bailey, Alex, and Meredith. Oh yeah and some Cristina. Too bad I am not any bit of McDreamy or McSteamy…I guess I am just not that _le sigh_. Whatever. Sorry it took me longer than I expected to update, but I am still doing it not as large a gap as there was between 10 and 11. AND I am going to Florence on Wednesday RIGHT before I have midtermish stuff so you all should feel SO DAMN SPECIAL for me getting this up before I go… let's not even mention that the parents are coming right on the heels of the midterm craze.

Author likes to talk some more: Tthis chapter might seem a little strange at first but I promise it'll be worth your while. And as much as I am all about the Derek/Meredith love, is it wrong that I liked this most recent episode? I feel like I am cheating on MerDer. And if you like Veronica Mars, DUNCAN was on Grey's… the only two shows I download are colliding! **OHHH and listen to the lyrics of Just Friends because it is exactly how I picture Addison** **to feel about Derek…and Meredith. **

Artist: Gavin DeGraw (because he makes my life happy right now J)

* * *

_Who the HELL could be calling me at this hour? Derek_, Addison thought hopefully as she picked up the receiver. "Hello?" she croaked into the phone. _Lord,_ Addie thought as she winced at the lovely sound her voice made. 

"Addie?" A very familiar voice filtered through Addison's receiver.

"No! You can't be calling! I haven't talked to you in…" Addie faltered. "Lord, I am so glad you called Mac."

"I am trying to be an adult and be called Mackenzie in the real world but no, you just have to go and make me sound like I'm 5 years old by calling me that. Slut."

"Oh I am so sorry. Mackenzie. Super Mom. Ruler of the known-world, that IS your title right?" Addison laughed as she sat up in bed.

"For today. Tomorrow I am working on the universe…and my doctorate."

"How is that going?"

"You don't even want me to get started, but I called to talk to _you_ and about you. I was all snuggly in bed and woke up with this absolute need to call me some Addie." Mackenzie said as she twirled the phone cord around her finger.

"I was going to say…what time is it there? I am just too lazy to do the math."

"Not _that _late. It's only 2 in the morning. This is my time to be alone and work out or think, without the three kids clamoring for my attention all the time. I swear, they get louder and louder every day." Mackenzie huffed.

"But I thought you only had two…" at the same time they both said, "Tristan." Addie continued, "I forgot about how…umm childlike he can be."

"You know what I mean. When he gets around the kids and me, he just wants, I don't know, me to hold his hand and listen to every second of his day. Good for you Tris, you had lunch with clients. Oh you got to eat what? LORD! DO I CARE! Well, actually, I really do care, lord I think I might be pregnant again," Mac stated with tears in her voice.

"Oh that is SO great! I am so happy for you!" Addie said, trying not to sound jealous.

"Addie yeah, we can talk about that later. I called because I wanted to hear about you. I haven't heard from you in a while. We haven't talked on the phone since you've moved to Seattle. Emails just aren't enough. I want to HEAR you laugh, smile, growl, and scream. Email emotions don't even come close to the real thing, you drama queen."

Addison laughed, "ME, the drama queen in this relationship, I think not. You my dear, take the prize, and the whole damn game for that one. You are one to not suffer in silence, or do anything in silence for that matter. God! It feels so good to laugh."

"Didn't I tell you, becoming a doctor is much to serious for Batty Addie, MADison? Do you remember when you used to just crack yourself up with the jokes in your head? People used to think you were a kid with some, um, problems. And by people I mean me, and by used to I mean about five minutes ago…" Mac paused and took a serious tone, "Seriously Addie, I can't take life in the big city without you. Move home. I miss you like CRAZY! My life is just normal and you know how I thrive in chaos, you are my chaos lady." Trying to pry but without being totally obvious Mac said hesitantly, "You can also bring that gorgeous husband of yours with you, if you must. You do know that I get very jealous when I can't have you all to myself, but I will deal if it makes you happy."

Addie sighed. She knew Mac too well to not see her attempt at subtlety. "Motherhood must be agreeing with you because you are getting good at digging for information, much better than the elephant-like grace you once had at bringing up touchy subjects. And if you call me that horrid nickname ever again I think I might have to kill you. And I laughed about the most random things when we were little because I had much more insight into life than most during those years. Things just made me laugh and even trying to explain them to you, the person who knows _knows_ me, well just didn't work; you would think I was even weirder than you first imagined. So yeah, no more of that name for the rest of eternity. Because death would be eminent for you. Or something worse, I could I don't know, take you into surgery and remove your ability to have any sort of orgasm…" Addie paused to let that sink in and continued with, "then life really wouldn't be worth much…do you really want to chance it?"

"Now I remember why I enjoyed not having you here. Other people fear me and actually take to heart my threats. You never have been afraid of me."

"Vice versa. I swear people thought we were the scariest kids in kindergarten."

"Umm who is talking about were. We still are scary. Don't you harass interns and stuff like that now?" _Crap crap. Was not supposed to mention the i word. Bad bad Mac, that was just not a friend thing to do. Boy have I stuck my foot in my mouth. _"I get my own offspring to scare. And the husband, never forget him."

"Yeah, it is fun to scare the interns…but I was never into that whole yelling at them, unless they deserve it. Having them bend to my will, awesome. I am much more covert about my power than you are. There is definitely one intern that doesn't get frightened by me at all. You know which one I am talking about."

"You mean the dirty mistress?"

"Of course. But her name is Meredith. As much as I want to think of her as the slutty woman who took away my husband, I can't call her that and work with her at the same time. What if I accidentally called her it to her face? That would be so funny, bad, but really funny."

"Well then just let me call her all the names. It might take me a while to move on from stinky bottomed poo-head to better insults. It's the price I pay for living with and I guess trying to rear children. Why did you let me have twins?"

"Well you know I must have been asleep at the wheel when I was with you while you and Tristan were having your romantic evening on the boat and I just let two slip through while I was guarding your eggs… WHAT? You are just strange you know that. It wasn't my fault. I could have kept one of them you know, after I helped you while your 18-hour labor."

"Yeah, I forgot about that. Fun times had by all. Especially my vagina. But again, as much as I love talking about myself, my sex life, and my vagina, how are you? And you can call her all the mean names in the world, then when you see her, you can revert back to your old self who would laugh like a hyena when nothing around you was remotely funny."

"I'll think about it." Addie sighed and wanted to share with her friend everything that had been bothering her. "You have no idea how glad I am that you called me. I have missed you so much. You need to come visit if you have time. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear your voice until you called."

"Aww, baby! Of course I'll visit. Maybe I'll let Tristan take care of the twins while I have myself a vacation. So what's up?"

In a very small, child-like voice, Addison stated, "I think my marriage is over."

Trying to sound surprised, but ever-supportive, Mac said, "Sweetie. Why? What happened?"

"Everything, and nothing all at the same time. I am in limbo over here trying to move anywhere I can, backwards is the easiest direction to move, but then I hit this point where I am stuck again. I don't know what to do. Derek left to go on a mini vacation to clear his head. Away from me. Away from his job. And luckily away from the intern." Addison hit the back of her head against the wall. "What can I do to fix this?"

"Do you want to fix your marriage? Or do you want to fix your life?"

"I want to be happy."

_I am really surprised she said that she wants to be happy instead of be married to Derek, she really must be much further along in the moving on process than I thought. Good for her, I am glad that she is finally looking out for number one again. _"Is Derek what makes you happy?"

"He did."

_The use of past tense._ _Very good, separating herself from the emotional mess that is her marriage, probably meaning that she wants to get out. Unless she doesn't even realize she said it in the past tense… because she lets her guard down with me. Lord why am I not out there with her helping her through this?_ _Wait Mac, FOCUS, you are talking to her right now…_ "Does he now?"

Addison shook her head, trying not to let reality in. "He just can't get past getting back at me to move forward."

"Is that really fair to you? Were you the only one in the relationship when it fell apart? We both know that your marriage was in desperate need of repair before Mark became an outlet."

"I know that, and I think he somewhere in his mind knows that too, but, we just don't…talk. He doesn't yell, which is even worse than him not talking. At least yelling takes some sort of emotion. Honestly, if he chose me, he needs to follow through with that choice and do something with it. You know what I mean?"

_You have no idea how much I understand that. I have been praying since you went out to Seattle_ _for some sort of resolution to this mess that you marriage has become. _Mac closed her eyes, she and Addison had been friends since practically the beginning of their existences, so she could feel her friend's pain, even a country apart. _But at least I know, without a doubt, that Addison_ _is strong enough to handle this and move on, whether that be with Derek or by herself. _"Sorry, I was contemplating what I should eat so I can get nice and fat. I completely understand hun. You know I always agree with you, except when you are for some strange reason, arguing with me… but that's not the point. The point is that you need to be happy. At whatever cost. You need to be doing something that you love with someone who makes you happy. Someone who makes it his job to make you happy all the time…and if that is Derek, then stick with him and fight for him, make him fight with you and want you the way you deserve to be wanted."

"Honestly, if he could just accept that he chose me, ME his wife, the woman he pledged to love and be with forever, then I would just let all of this go and move on. As much as his Meredith episode hurt me and continues to hurt me because he throws it in my face a lot, I am willing to just get over it. He just has to actually decide and stick with choosing me. Because him being in limbo is not only confusing himself, but it's also fucking with my life."

"Tell him that. Have you been honest with him or have you been waiting for him to make the first move? Remember you had to go up to him and start talking to him because he was to nervous to talk to you. He is a very good-looking man, but sweetheart, you are a fox. You are on the scale of hotness, way above him. He just isn't as hot and you intimidated him, so you have to make the first move again. But he started you down a good path. He did choose you." _Damn, this is not the way I wanted to take this conversation. Why can't I say MOVE_ _ON! YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM? Easy answer: I want her to be happy and think she's happy, so that means I'll let her make what I think is a mistake._ "But are you completely sure that you want to be with him? Because you and I both know that Mark was more than just an itch…but dayum, does he make me itch…all over."

Addie let out a bark of unexpected laughter. "Oh it feels so nice to laugh, you are the best Mac." But she sighed before she continued on. "I just am afraid to face reality if my marriage is over. Because I don't know how I can fix this, especially with him being so unwilling to help."

"One more thing about Mark, I am not trying to throw him on you but I just wanted to say that he also had staying power, and treated you the way you deserve to be treated: like a queen who is also an equal partner. The best combo for the greatest person of course. But the most important thing in the world that I have to ask is what do you want? If you could have anything, anything at all in the world, that would make you happy, what would it be?"

"I want to go back to the way things were when Derek and I first got married."

"You want to be an intern again? Are you serious? Seattle must be making you crazy because I remember my friend from those years, she was not happy."

"No I wasn't happy with my job, but Derek and I were great together."

"But are either of you the same person you were back then?" _Here's the moment of truth. Will she be honest with me and herself, or will she elude the question and change the topic?_

"Lord, I know I am definitely not the same person I was then. I was a kid then." She smiled, thinking about the past. "I was a kid in love, with no money and no time, but a great sex life. Lord I did not get sleep any of those years, I think all seven years of residency, if I am correct. Is he the same person? He is still definitely a maverick cocky bastard, but at the same time so gentle and sweet. But he's mature now, something I never thought he would become. He is responsible."

"But is he gentle and sweet, cocky and responsible when it comes to you and your marriage?"

"No. That's why I am afraid that he has checked out of this marriage." In an extremely painful voice, Addie asked, "What will I do if it is really over?"

* * *

The interns all ordered pizza and watched more of Meredith's mom's surgeries, reminiscent of their initial days as interns and friends. But they definitely were not the same people from just barely 6 months before. George was no longer jockeying to get the seat next to Meredith. Izzie had stopped looking at Meredith and Cristina's relationship with jealousy, but accepted that she was part of the close-knit group of girls and didn't have to be in the center of it to appreciate the friendship. She also had a deeper relationship with George than either of the two women in the room did. Cristina didn't look at the other 3 competitively anymore, at least outside of the hospital. She had friends who she was working with 

Cristina looked over at Izzie and said, "Why aren't you gone yet? I want you to go so you can bring back some guy to sleep with, so I can hear all the details to wake me up in the morning. And did I mention how much I love not living here? If you do bring back said random guy, I won't have to hear all the sex noises. Life is just plain good. I get the best of both worlds." Cristina leaned back into the couch and laced her fingers together behind her head.

"Ok maybe I wanted to pre-party a little bit before I go out, you know to psyche myself up for the fun night ahead. And besides, I really wanted pizza. Why am I explaining myself to you?"

"You are afraid of me. When I tell you jump, you ask how high. It's a curse. I am just scary."

"Yeah, that just must be it. Or it could be the fact that I am such a nice person that I actually answer questioned when I am asked them. Do my boobs look too just much in this shirt guys?" They all turned and looked at Izzie's breasts. Cristina and Meredith even turned their heads sideways to get a better look at them.

"You can never have too much boob action," Meredith said.

"Says the woman who is practically inverted in that department," Cristina quipped.

"I wouldn't be talking Cristina," Izzie laughed.

George hadn't said anything and when all three women looked in his direction, he turned his head up so that he was staring at the ceiling, trying to look inconspicuous but failing horridly. "I can't believe you were staring that long. You are almost in perve status here kid."

"Cristina! What. Who. I am MALE. We like breasts. When given the chance to look at them for long periods of time to supposedly look for something, we take advantage."

"Not going to lie, I can't argue with that. Remember when that guy, with the hard-on/broken penis came in Mere? Yeah I had to stare at that baby. Boy was he out to play."

Meredith shook her head. "Things I don't need to remember, thanks."

"Ok guys, I am going to head out now, I got my pizza fix and enough harassing to last me a while. We are good to go. Anyone want to come with? George?"

"Well you know how much I wanted to stay here and listen to them talk about McDreamy and Burke, but I might be able to drag myself away, can you give me a few minutes?" When Izzie said sure, he ran upstairs to take a quick shower. Izzie grabbed another piece of pizza and sat down again.

"Good I actually wasn't quite ready to leave, I really wanted another slice. Life is good when pizza is around," Izzie said as she slipped off her shoes. "And this way, if there is a man and we go either here or to his place, I don't have to worry about a car at Joe's in the morning. Or if I get really drunk like I might just be planning to do, I have a designated driver. Life is good. George takes care of me."

"George is a good guy, just don't take advantage of him now." Meredith said, jokingly. "Or actually, take advantage of him, get yours. He looks like he would be good. And he has his own bed here."

"Well one time, about a few weeks ago I told him that I really really needed sex and he told me that no matter how hard I begged…granted it was all in good fun but still."

"Kidding Izz, kidding."

"Oh, yeah well then that makes life a whole lot easier." She said as George came downstairs ready to go. Izzie got up and put her shoes on, tossing George the keys to her car.

When the front door closed, Cristina turned to Meredith and said, "I guess it's just you and me kid, let's break out the hard stuff!" They went into the kitchen, Cristina grabbed the ice cream while Meredith took out the bailey's liquor from her special hiding place and they proceeded to make very strong bailey's shakes. Life was good. And a lot fuzzier after the first couple of shakes, but Cristina had to slow down so she could drive home to Burke's.

* * *

"You'll pick yourself up, hurt like you can't go on, but fight like hell and move on. I have no doubt in any fiber of my being that you can get through this difficult part. I promise you." 

Addison sniffed a little laugh through her tears, "You were always the dramatic one. Good lord, _every fiber of your being_? That is totally rich. You are the best Mac. Thanks. I know I can get through this whatever the outcome may be, I just am tired of working so hard on my personal life, that stuff is supposed to be easier than being a surgeon. At least that's what I heard."

"Everyone has to work at that. It's not something that comes easy to anyone, you know from your parents, my parents, even Derek's parents. Life is difficult, and you have to take responsibility for you actions. You have to man-up and live. It's so much easier to give advice than to actually take it and apply it to life, you know that, you are a doctor and following your advice is just as hard."

"I know, I know…it's just that honestly, if he finally truly decided to choose me, I would be able to forget everything these last couple of hellish months just to be with him. If he says that I am definitely the one, then I'll forgive him for all this mess."

"Ohh Addie," Mac sighed, "Is that fair to you? Is that what will definitely make you happy in the long run? And the big question is: is he worth that?"

Addison was quite for a minute, mulling over her response. "If you had asked me this, I don't know, before Christmas, before he told me that he fell in love with the dirty intern, then yes, I would have not even hesitated to tell you that he was worth it."

"And now?" _Damn that man, I could just kill him for putting her through all this pain. I can't listen to my friend like this, she sounds like she is dying on the inside. _

"Now I am not so sure he is worth it to me anymore. God here I go saying that I would forgive him all this crap if he chose me, then I am saying that I think I might have outgrown our relationship. Which is true and real? Where do I stand?"

"Sweetie, that I can definitely answer. You stand in both places. There is no definite decision in your head yet and that is fine. You are open to either, which is good. You need to talk to your husband when he gets back and be ready to be confrontational for once in this marriage and see whether or not it is going to work. You can also make a decision but still talk everything out with Shep to see where he is and where you are. I want to give you all the answers, believe me, but that's not fair to you because as much as I know you and am inside your head, I don't know what or who makes you complete, besides me of course. Just like you don't understand why Tristan and I click, only that we do, it's the same way I don't understand what makes you and Dere work or not work. You understand?"

In a voice reminiscent of a child's, Addison said, "Humph, maybe."

"Oh Addie, I know it's hard."

"Yeah, I just want to be a kid and throw the covers over my head and let the world pass me by, fixing itself of course. See this is why they pay you the big bucks, being super mom and cracking crazy people's heads open, to figure out what makes them tick."

"The bill is in the mail. I know you are good for it, you are, what is it? One of the top neo-natal doctors on the West Coast, not to mention New York? I might have to jack up my price a bit."

"Remember, I know all your secrets." Addison laughed, glad to be on an easier subject.

"Yeah, did I mention what my bill was? Babysitting once, or maybe just a check up…or if I actually am preggers again, you can do that whole doctor thing. I can come live out in Seattle until the baby is ready to make an appearance. What do you say?"

"I think that works," Addie said with a laugh. "Lord, I _miss_ you Mac." After they hung up, Addie rested back into her mountain of pillows thinking, _God talking to Mac made everything click. It all makes sense now. How did she do that without me even realizing? It's so clear now. _

* * *

"Burke?" Cristina called out as she tripped into the door. She wasn't exactly drunk, but she wasn't entirely sober either. As a responsible adult, she called a cab from Mere's house so that meant she was dependent on either Mere picking her up in the morning or Burke driving her in for pre pre pre pre rounds. _Maybe I shouldn't even go to sleep. Honestly I am just going to have to get up without having enough sleep and start a new day. _Cristina walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge in case Burke was sleeping so she wouldn't wake him up with the light. _Should have thought about that before you yelled his name as soon as you got into the apartment._ _But I was trying to be friendly and a good girlfriend…why am I arguing with myself in my head? _She turned around to get the layout of the apartment so she didn't run into anything on the way to the bed, but something caught her eye. There was a take-away cup from a coffee shop on the counter. Propped up by the cup was a note in an envelope that said _Cristina_ on it. She picked up the mug and looked at the logo. She had been to that coffee place, but not many times because she usually didn't have time before work, and why would she want coffee for anything other than to wake her up? So the only times she had been there had been with Burke since it was on his way, well now _their_ way, to work. _Actually, this is the same brand as the first cup of coffee he got me, to make his first really almost passive-aggressive move._ She smiled. _I am damn impressed that I remembered such a girly little detail, that's usually his job. _She sniffed the opening of the cup and her nostrils were welcomed with the warm and heavy scent of hot chocolate. She greedily took a big swig and grabbed the envelope, taking it with her to sit at one of the chairs at the counter.

* * *

Author's note: Don't hate me. I really shouldn't start out with that should I? I wanted to go into the Cristina Burke cuteness but I thought Addison resolution took more precedence. But next chapter I promise there will be plenty of Burke and Cristina ohhing and aahhhing going on. I just have to think of it first, with out being really cheesy and predictable. Then there is the whole issue of Izzie getting some. And that whole finishing the story, yeah that's important. Thank you all SO VERY MUCH for all the fantabulous reviews, you all make this writing thing worth while and you give GREAT suggestions. AMAZING ONES. OH also thanks to the people who read to, you all are just great, make my life happy by wanting to read my work. THANKS! 

**Lightning Lindy**You are amazing you know that right? Your note was amazing and perfect to not be in review format because that would have given stuff away. Majorly helped by the way. I am DYING to know what you think of the way I took this chapter and the phone call. I couldn't think of who I wanted Mac to be like so I definitely based her very heavily on me and my many conversations with my friends in this instance. Thanks SO SO SO MUCH for the note. It was FANTABULOUS because that is what you are! You are a 10 in my book for being awesome. TRULY, thanks

**Val'istar****En' Alu:** Next chapter and I will try to get that one up as soon as I can, maybe Thursday…but I can't promise anything. I want to write the chapter as much as people seem to want to read it. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

**Ctfallengoddess: **GOOD LORD! All in one day! I guess it seems longer to me since I wrote it so spread out…good for you. You rock for liking it so much that you read it in one day! AHH just made my day! THANKS A BUNCH for the review. YOU ARE AMAZING!

**D0RKY GiiiRL: **Jerks make life more fun to be bitchy. Seriously one day just bitch at them and you'll feel better. But then seriously the keepers are ones you just don't notice until some party or when someone says something to you that makes you look at him in a different way. So no Starbucks man but there is another one that might be happening this week! Keep your fingers crossed, and I'll definitely do the same for you! PS I LOVE GEORGE in almost an unhealthy way, or not because I am George but female…which means I just have female friends, life is confusing. Next chapter george and izzie will have their night…burke and xtina will have some great loveliness. Thanks doll for the review!

**Flying-pink-llamas-attack:** K so I am glad that you approve of long chapters. Or else i could just have a warning for just you at the top of the page to let you know it would be a long one. Like this one kinda is. Not too long but longer. I am on my way to Florence, Italy…but still in Spain as of right now. Thanks for the review, you are grrrrreat.

**Jerseyrae: **OHH YAY! Thanks for the review. I hope this isn't too late of an update for you! Life is crazy and so is Grey's. sometimes I don't know what to do with the show going all crazy and me just sitting there wanting to make it alright in my story. Thanks again.

**kcapflow87: **Writing is all I have to do, especially with all the essays in SPANISH and tests, it's all I am going to be doing for quite a while. This is my release. Thanks for the review and don't hate me because this isn't up as quickly as either of us intended!

**BANG415: **THANKS BUNCHES! You are great. I am seriously working on Cristina and Burke because I know one wrong turn and you people will hurt me! Thanks again!

**luv24+Alias: ** this was as soon as I could get it in a foreign country where my comp goes AWOL! I swear it really goes crazy, fun times I'll tell you. Here it is and I hope you like the chapter.

**Crookedpen: **I think they should definitely get together…and be cute with each other. I am working on it I promise. THANKS for the review!

**Rachel452: **THANKS! Woot you are great for the review. I am working on the stuff that can make Mere/Dere goodness happen! I promise!

**Trunina: ** they are an epic couple who rock SO MUCH! I love how the writers didn't want another resident intern romance but the two actors just have so much chemistry…and the story tells itself. Sorry I didn't get to the scavenger hunt in this chapter, I didn't want to rush Burke adorableness. Thanks for the review!

**Freeplaces: **thanks so very much for the review! Your review by the way is the hot one of the two of us, by far, hands down. I hope you'll stick around to read the next chapter because there will be loads of Burke cuteness! Thanks again!


	13. AN: Sorry about the delay

GUYS!

I am so so so sorry about the delay. I got home from Spain just fine and am alive but it's been totally crazy trying/pretending to be an adult, and still enjoy the whole, I can drink legally in the states. I have been working on the chapter very very slowly and definitely have been planning on getting it up soon, but with research for my thesis, work, and summer class, life has been about sleep. I will get it up as soon as I can, I am working towards Sunday but don't hold me to it, well you can, but not with a shotgun at my head :).

The Burke Cristina thing is hard to write because I don't want to be too sugary because that makes me a little ill, but it's coming along, and OF COURSE there will be Meredith and Derek stuff, they make me happy, not after the season finale, but that's another story entirely.

So PLEASE be patient, if you want, go through and re-read the story to get pumped for the next chapter, because we all know how long it's been...and again my apologies. Hope everyone is having a great great summer and thanks SO much to all of you who have been checking ad waiting patiently for the next chapter, you all get Gold Stars!

Ducks


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